TABLE OF CONTENTS
1) INTRODUCTION
2) DEFINITION OF RAPE
3) LEGAL PERSPECTIVE
4) CATEGORIES OF RAPE
5) THE NARRATIVES SHOULD NOT BE CHANGED
6) REASONS FOR LOW RATE OF RAPE PROSECUTION
7) NEW DEVELOPMENTS IN RAPE DISCOURSE
8) WHY THE RISE OF RAPE?
9) FALSE ACCUSATIONS ABOUT RAPE
10) ALL BOYS/GIRLS ARE RAPIST DIRECTIVE
11) TRAUMATIC EFFECTS OF RAPE VICTIMS AND HOW TO RECOVER FROM RAPE
12) SUGGESTED WAYS AND IDEAS TO CURB RAPE MENACE
13) CONCLUSION
INTRODUCTION
The case of rape has been one discussion that has been on for a long time but never tackled from the root and often neglected at times. The recent happenings of rapid rape cases which led to ladies raising their voice on social media via the hashtag #wearetired# #noisno#. While we cannot blame them for this, we are still not tackling this issue from the root. While many outburst comes from a place of emotions, I will be dropping my two cents on this issue and it will come from different Perspectives and also based on emotions and fact and it will be nice to know that I will be talking about raping both genders. Kindly follow me on this journey. However, my heart goes out to everyone who has been raped or sexually assaulted either by opposite or same gender. How i know what It means to be assaulted but not sexually and I may only try to understand what it means but not understand the depth of the assaulted or the raped ones. My heart goes out to you, it has never and will never be your fault. We could say indecent dressing, location etc but what about the seven months old children, 1 year old children??? I believe that by the time I finish this article I would have ticked many boxes.
Also, I will be open to criticism, critiques, addition, disagreement, comments in the comment section as no man is an island of knowledge, so what I have here are my perceptions. Join me on this journey. It could be emotional but I promise to let It out.
DEFINITION IS RAPE
To a layman, Rape is having carnal knowledge or sexual relationships with someone against the person’s will. However, according to the legal system, Rape can be defined as having unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman or girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of false act, or, in case of a married woman, be personating her husband. As we go on, I will be talking extensively on these.
LEGAL PERSPECTIVE
Having taken time to study the law on rape cases, I can vividly say that law is responsible to a fault and we are all responsible for this. How? The House of Assembly election doesn’t concern many of us, all many of us is concerned about is presidential and gubernatorial elections and even during those elections many people are used to vote buying. We forget that if we elect the dullards like the current ones there now, they make silly laws and it becomes binding as signed into law by the President.
According to the Law of Federation 2004, there are two different codes of law which is binding on the Nigerian citizens. They are Penal code and Criminal code. The Penal code is pertinent to the North while the Criminal code is pertinent to the South.
With respect to rape, both the criminal code and the penal code are majorly the same but there are few differences. Another reason why I fault the law with regards to rape in the constitution is that it was focused on the rape of only the feminine gender.
In section 357 and 358 of the criminal code, it states that in Nigeria, a person has committed rape where he has sexual relations (carnal knowledge) with a woman against her will; or
1) Without her consent
2) Consent while putting her in fear of death or hurt
3) Misrepresenting as the husband of the woman
4) Having carnal knowledge of a girl under 14 years with or without consent
5) Having carnal knowledge of a girl with an unsound mind
While the penal code agrees with the criminal code, it further went to state that even if the lady is the wife of the man, and she has not attained puberty, the person will be guilty of rape. Attaining the stage of puberty can be relative and girls attain it at different ages. While I consider law as silly, it has actively played its part In child marriages most especially in the northern part of Nigeria. An example to bring up the case of Senator Sani Yerima and the 13 year old Egyptian wife he married.
CATEGORIES OF RAPE
While there could be more categories of rape pending in the circumstances surrounding the rape, I have grouped in into 10, such as:
i) Acquaintance Rape
ii) Command Rape
iii) Date Rape
iv) Incestuous Rape
v) Fraud Rape
vi) Underage Rape
vii) Statutory Rape
viii) Gang Rape
ix) Marital Rape
x) Induced Consented Rape
While we have established that rape having carnal knowledge without consent or consent with coercion or with fear or death.
However, induced Consented rape is a new one that I came up and it is done with the aid of Spanish fly. Spanish fly is a that could Increase the sexual desire of a person and the person won’t rest till he or she has sex. The person will be the one asking for sex and so why it could be manipulated that it was with consent. It is the Spanish fly at work. That is why I call it induced Consented rape. So instead of drugging her to fall asleep, the guy can even record it how you were begging for sex and all but it doesn’t change the fact of what happened.
THE NARRATIVES SHOULD NOT BE CHANGED
Anything without consent is rape. This is a narrative that has been and should be and even though it has been squashed many times, it is still the truth. The Narratives should however not be changed. With respect to the ladies, let a no be no and a yes be yes. There have been cases when a girl says no and she meant no. There are also cases that a girl says no and the guy respects that and gets home and she sends a message that when she said no, she wanted him to try harder. My narrative is this, whether you are a guy or girl, man or woman, Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Also, if you are on the receiving end, whatever you are told should be respected. Anything consent gotten with coercion is rape.
REASONS FOR LOW RATE OF RAPE PROSECUTION
1) Inability and victims to report cases to the Police: Shame and neglect shown towards the victims by friends and family. This could range from openly mocking the victims to being neglected by close family members and friends. In some cultures, some are even seen as having brought shame and dishonour to the family.
Considering the statistics of decided cases on rape at the Court of Appeal and Supreme Court, a cursory look shows that most reported instances of rape are from underage children, most times this under age children don’t even know what happened at times, it is until they grow older they now know they were either sexually assaulted or raped There is a general lack of support from care agencies of government who should not ordinarily encourage these victims but also re-engineer a systemic re-integration of victims into the society. On the other hand, adults choose to shut up and suffer in pain and anguish because of social stigma.
2) Lack of Proper Investigation: The Police are not totally equipped to carry out investigations. They should also not conceal identity if the victim wants it that way, ask for bribes, stop asking irrelevant questions. A typical example will be that of a victim approaching a police station and the police officers insist on laying the complaint over the counter without trying to conceal her identity or guaranteeing her privacy or possibly requesting information that is not central to the genuine complaints.
As far as I am concerned, apart from the delay in commencing investigation or total lack of, the police institution is not adequately equipped in both human and material resources to effectively investigate rape cases.
There is a lack of specialized training for police officers in handling these cases or in providing support for the victims. Furthermore, forensic identification of suspects cannot be effectively carried out, the use of biological evidence such as blood, semen, saliva, vagina epithelial cells etc is totally lacking. There is serious doubt as to the existence of a functional forensic crime laboratory in Nigeria.
3) Weak Legal Sanctions and Enforcement: On April 10,2014 The then Chairman, Senate Committee on Women Affairs and Youth Matters, Senator Helen Esuene moved a motion under David Mark who was the then Senate President to protect infants and minors from the cruelty of rape and other abuses. David Mark further reiterated that “we must that ensure that maximum sanctions are meted out to culprits of rape and sexual abuses”. Senator Helen further stated that sodomy, indecent assault carry out lesser punishment. This point has been mooted by Senator Helen Esuene when she moved a motion to protect infants and minors from the cruelty of rape and other abuses.
Even though the offence of rape is in itself punishable with life imprisonment, other related offences such as indecent assault, sodomy etc carries lesser punishment.
It is not just expedient to ensure maximum punishment, it is also imperative to enforce this punishment in a very firm and decisive manner. The police authorities should courageously investigate and recommend for prosecution the alleged offenders. The judiciary should not shy away from handing out maximum punishment, when the occasion demands, to sex offenders. This will serve as a deterrent to other members of the public.
4) Legal Requirement: These include eye witness, medical evidence, actual penetration of the vagina. This is actually absurd to be honest because first of all, for the offence of rape to be properly established, there must be corroborative evidence which usually comes from eyewitnesses account or medical evidence. As regards eyewitnesses’ corroboration, the law requires that such witnesses must have witnessed the actual penetration of the victim’s vagina. How this is possible, practically speaking, at all times, defeats my wildest imagination. Most often than not, sex offenders will not undertake the abominable act in a place easily accessible to members of the public and there is always the possibility that before any eyewitness finally reaches a rape crime scene, the offender would have disengaged from the victim which ultimately means that rape as a criminal offence cannot be established but a lesser offence of attempted rape.
Most or all rape cases doesn’t have eye witness apart from the victim and the rapist, I could have been raped few years ago and gotten married and how does this explain the vagina penetration.
Secondly, the law requires that there must be penetration of the vagina, no matter how slight, this is in itself a laudable idea.
The other way through which corroboration can be established is through medical evidence which has been discussed above. The lack of human and material resources to medically investigate and reach conclusive findings in a rape case leaves a sour taste in the mouth.
This doesn’t take out the place of false accusations but I am hoping that as I continue, we will redefine what actually is.
In 2002, World Health Organization also known as WHO defined rape as a physically forced or coerced penetration even if it is slight of the vulva or anus using a penis or body parts or objects. In 2012, The Federal Bureau Investigation otherwise known as FBI and International Criminal Court Tribunal for Rwanda describes rape as physical invasion of a sexual nature committed on a person under circumstances which are coercive.
This means that the recent case that happened in Ejigbo were women were physically and brutally sexually assaulted by shoving sticks and grounded pepper into their private parts is instructive.
The perpetrators should have been accused of rape if the acts of rape had been extensive and had been made to include penetration not only by penis but by mouth, objects etc. Also not only penetration of the vagina but other parts of the body.
I hereby suggest that a more inclusive and all encompassing definition of rape should be included in the criminal code and penal code of Nigeria.
Rape is condemnable, it is an unjustifiable act in our society and it is, finally, time that we rise as a nation to condemn and eradicate this despicable act.
Victims of rape are made to suffer unquantifiable anguish, some become diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, dissociation from reality, depersonalization, they endure physical violence, avoid social life, get infected with sexually transmitted infections, encounter serious difficulty in remembering events, relives moments of sexual assault and unwanted pregnancy amongst other ills.
NEW DEVELOPMENTS IN RAPE DISCOURSE
The above definition of Rape, is now regarded as obsolete and it states that “Rape is having unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman or girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of false act, or, in case of a married woman, be personating her husband”
Modern socio-legal realities have shown us that the legal definition of rape in Nigeria can no longer be applicable to effectively combat this rape menace. The first point of consideration is:
1) Female to Male Rape: To many, this postulation seems unreal or rather ridiculous, the possibility of a female sexually assaulting a male seems remote but it is not rare and is, in fact, not a recent phenomenon. For as back as 1978, it was reported that a certain lady named Joyce McKinney in the case of the popular “Mormon Sex in Chains” scandal was convicted for chaining a man and forcing him to have sexual intercourse with her.
The assumption that only females can be raped is due to a number of wrong or stereotypical reasons such as; Men always want sex or boys and men cannot be victims because they are easily physically aroused. I vehemently disagree with this assumption. As a matter of fact, I vividly oppose it and I will never endorse it. For instance, some years ago, I was a student of International School, University of Lagos, the second gate of Unilag leads to queen college and I also had after school lessons around queens college and my cousin was in queens college, there was a certain ice cream man that stays there during break time, the principal instructed him not to sell once the siren for break over is sound, the next day while trying to obey the principal, SS3 students (now don’t forget that this is an all girls school) asked him to sell and he refused, they used a trick that he should enter and they will take him to the front of principal office and beg for him to sell, obviously he wanted to make more money and he obliged and he entered but they stylishly used one corner that is a deserted place and as he didn’t know the principal office, he also wouldn’t have thought of anything bad. Long and short of the story, this girls in their numbers raped this guy till he was almost at the point of death, while I can’t confirm if he made it alive, this guy was hanged raped. There is another similar case like this but this happened in Delsu Girl’s Hostel.
We must understand that the male erectile response is involuntary which is very similar to a female response; we agree that a female while being sexually assaulted may still experience involuntary arousal which is a mechanical stimulation. This position is also applicable to men or boys. There are instances where a man can be scared, intimidated or blackmailed into engaging in sexual relations with a woman outside his wishes. Therefore, it is apt to say that men in Nigeria have been, over the decades, subjected to, social, political and legal double standards in this respect.
To further rebuff the claim that a man cannot be raped, the cases of Mary Kay Letourneau and Debra Lafave where teachers sexually abused underage boys who were supposed to be under their care. Recently, in Nigeria, there was a viral video circulating depicting a girl sexually assaulting a younger male.
I might not be able to ascertain the ratio or percentage of which is higher between female to male rape and male to female rape but the Statement that the former doesn’t exist is delusional.
This female to male rape is otherwise called ‘made to penetrate” cases, therefore, my postulation is that a more inclusive definition of rape be pronounced, this is to include or reflect genuine concerns that a man or a boy can be victims of rape, the punishment in this respect should rank in the same punishment with that of a male sexual offender.
2) Lesbian Rape/ Male to Male: There may be instances where a girl may be a victim of rape by another girl or woman. With the advent of sex toys such as strap-ons, dildos, tongue, non-consensual tribalism or forced digital manipulation, it cannot be far-fetched to say lesbian rape is real. In a discussion with a Pharmacist friend, she described, in sordid details, her experience dealing with a man sodomised by another man. These acts have been left unchecked due to the social stigma and lack of service and support systems to the victims. Recent study shows that men are raping not just men but young boys too, what does this mean, my people, NOBODY IS SAFE!!!!! A major source of concern in this regards will be the prisons. It has been reported that a lot of cases such as this emanates from there.
3) Spousal Rape: This is a very critical issue surrounding rape in most countries. This will be focused on the religious perspectives of both Christians and Islam. The Christians have misinterpreted a Particular bible verse And this has led to manipulation in marriages and has been coined under the name marital debt. For decades, especially in developing countries and with particular focus on Nigeria, there has been wide held and erroneous belief that a husband cannot rape his wife. As far as I am concerned, this is a rather outdated legal position, the ridiculous assertion historically stems from the following sources:
According to the Legal Treatise by Sir Matthew Hales in 1736 Sir Matthew Hales titled “Historia Placitorum Coronae or History of the Pleas of the Crown”, he stated “…hath given up herself in this kind unto her husband which she cannot retract”.
The Christian concept of ‘marital debt’ is founded in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says “let the husband render unto his wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power over her own body but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife…. Deprive ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
While I am working on an article which talks about marital rape, I will like to explain in its totality what this verse actually means.
The first question should be What does “Do Not Deprive or Defraud pending on the version you are using, only King James Version used Defraud” really mean when it comes to sex?
Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
It us important to note that the Statement “do not deprive” is not the same as “do not refuse”, and shouldn’t be interpreted to mean that a spouse is under obligation to make love each and every time their spouse wants to. “Do not deprive” should not be used as a weapon. This is one section.
The other section “do not deprive” means we should be aiming for the maximum of sexual activity and fulfillment, not the minimum.
Now let me reconcile these two sections
Deprive is not the same as refuse. I believe many people interpret this verse to mean refuse. Are women obligated to have sex every time a man wants it? Are men obligated to have sex anytime a woman wants it? Are we ever allowed to refuse?
Well, let’s look more closely at deprive.
If I were to say to you, “do not deprive your child of good food,” what am I implying? I’m saying that your child should get the food that is commonly recognized for good health: three healthy meals a day, with some snacks. I am not saying that every time your child pulls at your leg and says, “Mommy, can I have a bag of Cheetos?” that you have to say yes. You are not depriving your child of good food by refusing a request for Cheetos.
Deprive implies that there is a level of sexual activity that is necessary for a healthy marriage. And, to extend the food analogy a little bit, this doesn’t mean that we should be aiming for the minimum, either: for instance, life in concentration camps proved that you could keep people alive with one meal a day at 800 calories. But that is NOT healthy.
I don’t think it’s bad to say that the truth is somewhere in the middle. Isn’t that so with most of Christianity? The Bible presents us with plenty of dichotomies: grace vs. works; free will vs. predestination; justice vs. mercy. These dichotomies give us pause to wrestle with them and wrestle with God and come to know Him better in the process.
And so we come to today’s dichotomy: self-control and passion.
Both are of God. Neither is better than the other. And in most marriages, one spouse leans more towards self-control, and one spouse leans more towards passion.
Why didn’t God make us both the same?
Well, let’s pretend for a minute that He gave both of us super high sex drives. What would happen? We’d have sex all the time, but we wouldn’t necessarily work on communication, or intimacy, or vulnerability, or trust. We wouldn’t need to! We’d both have such high drives that we could get our needs met without any of that other stuff getting in the way. So we’d have rather shallow lives.
And if he made us both with tremendous self-control, so that we really didn’t desire very much ever, then we’d live rather solitary lives, and again we wouldn’t work on communication, and selflessness, and intimacy, and trust.
Personally, I think that communication and selflessness and intimacy and vulnerability are all pretty good things in a marriage. And here’s how the whole thing works:
The higher libido spouse feels as if they aren’t getting their needs met, and so they feel deprived. They may emotionally pull back a little. The lower libido spouse then feels that emotional distance and doesn’t like it, causing them to pull back. Both spouses have now pulled back.
Many marriages get stuck there. Both spouses hunker down, sure that they’re right, and nothing ever improves.
But that’s an awfully uncomfortable place to be. Not only are you not getting your needs met; you know that you’re losing your emotional connection. You get lonely. So what do you do?
In an ideal world, you decide to put your own needs on hold for a minute and reach out to your spouse. You start connecting emotionally. You even start connecting more sexually. You reach out where you can in order to bridge the gap.
But reaching out means that we’re going against our natural instincts. If we’re naturally more self-controlled, we’re trying to develop more passion. If we’re naturally more passionate, we’re trying to develop more self-control. And at the same time we’re developing selflessness, because we’re focused on how to meet our spouse’s need, not on how to meet ours.
That’s how God designed marriage! He didn’t design it to be easy, or we wouldn’t become selfless.
He didn’t design a joining of two identical people, or we wouldn’t need to grow.
But God’s whole purpose for us is to grow and become more selfless and more Christ like. And marriage is one of His vehicles for making us holier, not just happier. I do believe that marriage can make us extremely happy, but I think the point of marriage is that it first makes us holy.
So if you’re in a marriage where you have a major libido difference, don’t look at your spouse and say, “if only he would grow up and stop being so shallow!”, or “if only she would reach out and stop being so frigid.” Don’t look at your spouse at all. Instead, look at God. And ask Him to help you become more Christ like.
Our response to this problem must always be to look at God, not to try to change our spouse. Nowhere in Scripture does it say that we should demand our rights if we’re not getting what we deserve. For this reason , “Do not deprive” should never be used as a weapon; it goes against everything Scripture is for. Scripture focuses on servanthood, not on tyranny.
But nowhere in Scripture does it also say that we can use God’s word to justify ourselves so that we don’t need to change, either. It doesn’t say, “if you’re in the right, you can just sit there and not do anything and act all righteous.” No, it says, “in as much as it is up to you, live at peace with all.” We are to do what is up to us. So if you feel your spouse is unreasonable, you don’t have an excuse to act justified about withholding love or affection.
Look to God instead of justifying yourself. Try this:
God, I know you’re a God of passion. You made incredible beauty. You created us with the capacity for such deep emotion and such deep intimacy. I want to live life abundantly, and I’m scared I’m missing out. Please give me a taste of your passion. Help make me more passionate in my marriage.
God, I know that you created us to be more than our passions. You created us to love you first and foremost. Help me to learn to lean on you when I feel as if I’m not getting my sexual needs met. Help me to grow in passion for you even if I feel a lack of passion in my marriage.
Use your differences to drive you to God, not to point out all the flaws in your spouse!
Maybe God actually wants to change YOU. Maybe God actually wants you to grow and lean on Him more and live a more abundant, trusting life.
That doesn’t mean that there aren’t areas that your spouse needs to grow, too, and you certainly need to talk to your spouse about this. But I still believe that the reason that God made us differently is so that we would be drawn to Him.
Look, people, I have seen this verse used as a weapon against spouses. And I have seen other spouses simply withdraw and withhold affection and sex from their spouses. Neither extreme is right.
So today, can you take this challenge: whichever area you need to grow in, whether it’s passion or self-control, can you commit to God to praying about it and practising it? Trying to “put on” passion when you’re not used to it may feel fake, but don’t shy away from it! God is a passionate God; He wants to help you. And trying to exercise self-control when you feel rejected is hard; but God is also a God who is used to being rejected. We all have areas to grow in; instead of seeing all the things that your spouse is doing wrong, can you commit to growing in this area? That’s what God really wants from you (even if He also wants the same of your spouse).
Let me touch a little bit of this in the Islamic section, Quranic injunction which was quoted by Abu Huraira who was one of the companions of Prophet Muhammad and who was the
most prolific narrator of Hadith which is a collection of the traditions of Prophet Muhammad said in the book Sahih Bukhari which is the most recommended book after the Quran. It was stated in Volume 4, Book 54, Number 460 that:
“if a husband calls his wife to bed and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning” Now let me explain, the word “bed” in that context is a metaphor for intercourse. Another narration says “By the One in Whose hand is my soul, there is no man who calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, Butttt the One who is above the heavens which is Allah will be angry with her until he which is her husband is pleased with her. It is also said there are three categories of people whose prayers will not be accepted and none of whose goods deeds will ascend to heaven:
A run away slave, until he returns to his master; A drunken man until he becomes sober; a woman with whom her husband is angry until he is pleased by her. These are General terms that apply to both day and night.
Therefore, it is my humble submission that in as much as it is desirable to keep a family’s affairs private, it is also important to recognize that a woman, even though married, may refuse sexual intercourse with the husband and vice versa for any reason or no reason at all. It will be appropriate to include spousal rape as a criminal offence, this will be in a positive light as other advanced countries specifically Eastern Europe and Scandinavian countries (before 1970), Western Europe (1980’s-1990’s), some developing countries (1990’s – 2000’s) have all criminalized spousal rape.
We must also recognize couples who might be judicially separated, in an abusive marriage or in the process of obtaining a divorce, should we be compelled to accept that these categories of men and women be unnecessarily bound by law to engage in marital intercourse with an estranged husband or wife when he or she so desires?
The law in its totality of both criminal code and penal code, don’t even agree with spousal rape. Isn’t that stupidly amazing 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 while section 357 doesn’t fault marital rape as lo g as she as passed puberty stage, the penal code has something interesting. According to Section 55(1)d of the penal code, it states that: subject to customs that have been recognized as lawful, allows a husband to “correct his wife” as long as it does not amount to “grievous hurt.”
Section 55(2) goes on to state that the correction must be reasonable in kind or degree with regards to the age, physical, and mental conditions of the person being corrected.
However in section 241 of the same penal code, Grievous hurt was further explained. It states that Grievous hurt is defined as “(a) emasculation; (b) permanent deprivation of the sight of an eye, of the hearing of an ear or the power of speech; (c) deprivation of any member or joint; (d) destruction or permanent impairing of the powers of any member or joint; (e) permanent disfiguration of the head or face; (f) fracture or dislocation of a bone or tooth; (g) any hurt which endangers life or which causes the sufferer to be during the space of twenty days in severe bodily pain or unable to follow his ordinary pursuits.” This has fully shown that the law has played its active part in this inhumane, beast like, animalistic behaviour of a character.
May it not be the intention of our legislature to impose this unbearable situation on couples. Therefore, spousal rape should be included in our criminal laws in plain and simple language with limits and exceptions clearly stated.
WHY THE RISE OF RAPE
To be very candid, it will be appalling to say that rape is on the rise because socializing has reduced as a result of covid-19as suggested by The Minister of Health(state), Dr Mamora. Some also said it is because brothels has closed or there are no prostitutes around again.
I would disagree, it is the same thing as saying you are giving excuse for One million boys who were rampaging the whole of Lagos at different times of the day. It is simply a demonic act that has been In the mind for long, it was only looking for the right time to act. If the one million boys complain of hunger as a result of stealing, ask them why rob the poor or the ones that have little. Why not go and rob the high and mighty?
Lack of socialization cannot be the cause. I may not agree with everyone sexual values but it doesn’t change the fact that people have sex, if you don’t have anyone to have sex, some even resort to dice rolling. Lol. But to you no prostitutes or socialization as an excuse is a rape like behaviour and it is a rape apologist character.
Rape is a beast like and demonic character and while some may argue that indecent dressing or place and time as a defence, I would like to ask a question; The 8 months or 1 year old children nko? Right from when I was small, I have always said rapists have low self esteem but it is far more than that.
Another question is this: If you have been given consent with your partner or wife and you guys are having sex, then she says stop or you are hurting her, will you continue or stop?
Do you think it will be selfish of you to continue while your partner is hurting? Do you really care? Again, while you may be so In the mood and feel you cannot stop, another question is this, If a thief comes in at that point, will you continue or stop? I leave you to answer these questions and hope I get them In the comment section. It may be unrealistic truthfully because I heard that stuff(I mean sex) is very very sweet like Yoruba will say o dun gaan, we are human beings but it doesn’t stop us from the truth in its totality. We need another level of self control to stop this ooo😂 😂😂😂😂😅😅😅😅😅
FALSE ACCUSATIONS ABOUT RAPE
It is not new that there are many false accusations about rape. Many have tendered to the feminine gender however this does not stop the fact that of every 5 girls about 3 have been raped or sexually assaulted if not more. The same can be said of the boys but the difference is the masculine gender has been thought to shut up! Not to speak! Crush things in the mind! I mean how can you say a girl raped you? Just how? Are you not a man? One day, I asked my friend that if I tell you I have been raped and he said as big as you are, woman go still rape you? No naw. Thank God i was not raped, I would have kept quiet for life.
All of these have said doesn’t change the fact that people get raped while some accuse people falsely to chase clout and sympathy and tarnish the image of the male mostly because that is the story we hear, it is sad because this has made some real stories not to be believed. Also the men don’t really have a say because the women have believed the stories and sometimes it turns out to be true and so legal matters has been the order of the day.
The Law court also doesn’t know emotions but fact. Is there any evidence? Even if it is true as long as no evidence, it is flinged out. This was evident in the Case of Busola Dakolo vs Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo.
ALL BOYS/GIRLS ARE RAPIST DIRECTIVE
Not all boys are rapists, but all boys are rapist😂😂😂😂. Let me explain, when the case of Tina and Uwa came up and these girls were down casted and in tears. Many of them live in fear and are scared even walking on the road, some have been victims before. Holding the banner of not all boys or men are rapist is quite insensitive. The same way men have held up that banner of all women are prostitutes but when you ask them including your mother and sister? They take it personal.😂😂
This is my take, not all boys are rapists, not all girls are rapists. Not all boys are prostitutes, Not all girls are prostitutes. However, we don’t know who is who. These rapists could be your friends, family members etc. They don’t write who is a rapist on the forehead so whether we are fighting for masculine rape or feminine rape. I believe we should:
1) We should learn to stand by our male or female friends as the case maybe
2) We should learn to support our Female friends as the case maybe
3) We should defend our Female friends as the case may be
TRAUMATIC EFFECTS TO RAPE VICTIMS AND HOW TO OVERCOME THESE EFFECTS
Sexual violence is shockingly common in our society and sexual assault isn’t limited to women; many men and boys suffer rape and sexual trauma each year.
Regardless of age or gender, the impact of sexual violence goes far beyond any physical injuries. The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories. The world doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore. You no longer trust others. You don’t even trust yourself. You may question your judgment, your self-worth, and even your sanity. You may blame yourself for what happened or believe that you’re “dirty” or “damaged goods.” Relationships feel dangerous, intimacy impossible. And on top of that, like many rape survivors, you may struggle with PTSD, anxiety, and depression.
It’s important to remember that what you’re experiencing is a normal reaction to trauma. Your feelings of helplessness, shame, defectiveness, and self-blame are symptoms, not reality. No matter how difficult it may seem, with these tips and techniques, you can come to terms with what happened, regain your sense of safety and trust, and learn to heal and move on with your life.
Myths and facts about rape and sexual assault
Dispelling the toxic, victim-blaming myths about sexual violence can help you start the healing process.
Myth: You can spot a rapist by the way he looks or acts.
Fact: There’s no sure-fire way to identify a rapist. Many appear completely normal, friendly, charming, and non-threatening.
Myth: If you didn’t fight back, you must not have thought it was that bad.
Fact: During a sexual assault, it’s extremely common to freeze. Your brain and body shuts down in shock, making it difficult to move, speak, or think.
Myth: People who are raped “ask for it” by the way they dress or act.
Fact: Rape is a crime of opportunity. Studies show that rapists choose victims based on their vulnerability, not on how sexy they appear or how flirtatious they are.
Myth: Date rape is often a misunderstanding.
Fact: Date rapists often defend themselves by claiming the assault was a drunken mistake or miscommunication. But research shows that the vast majority of date rapists are repeat offenders. These men target vulnerable people and often ply them with alcohol in order to rape them.
Myth: It’s not rape if you’ve had sex with the person before.
Fact: Just because you’ve previously consented to sex with someone doesn’t give them perpetual rights to your body. If your spouse, boyfriend, or lover forces sex against your will, it’s rape.
Recovering from rape or sexual trauma
STEP 1: Open up about what happened to you
It can be extraordinarily difficult to admit that you were raped or sexually assaulted. There’s a stigma attached. It can make you feel dirty and weak. You may also be afraid of how others will react. Will they judge you? Look at you differently? It seems easier to downplay what happened or keep it a secret. But when you stay silent, you deny yourself help and reinforce your victimhood.
Reach out to someone you trust. It’s common to think that if you don’t talk about your rape, it didn’t really happen. But you can’t heal when you’re avoiding the truth. And hiding only adds to feelings of shame. As scary as it is to open up, it will set you free. However, it’s important to be selective about who you tell, especially at first. Your best bet is someone who will be supportive, empathetic, and calm. If you don’t have someone you trust, talk to a therapist or a mental health enthusiast or a mental health organization.
Challenge your sense of helplessness and isolation. Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable. It’s important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times. One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others: volunteer your time, give blood, reach out to a friend in need, or donate to your favorite charity.
Consider joining a support group for other rape or sexual abuse survivors. Support groups can help you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery. If you can’t find a support group in your area, look for an online group.
STEP 2: Cope with feelings of guilt and shame
Even if you intellectually understand that you’re not to blame for the rape or sexual attack, you may still struggle with a sense of guilt or shame. These feelings can surface immediately following the assault or arise years after the attack. But as you acknowledge the truth of what happened, it will be easier to fully accept that you are not responsible. You did not bring the assault on yourself and you have nothing to be ashamed about.
Feelings of guilt and shame often stem from misconceptions such as:
You didn’t stop the assault from happening. After the fact, it’s easy to second guess what you did or didn’t do. But when you’re in the midst of an assault, your brain and body are in shock. You can’t think clearly. Many people say they feel “frozen.” Don’t judge yourself for this natural reaction to trauma. You did the best you could under extreme circumstances. If you could have stopped the assault, you would have.
You trusted someone you “shouldn’t” have. One of the most difficult things to deal with following an assault by someone you know is the violation of trust. It’s natural to start questioning yourself and wondering if you missed warning signs. Just remember that your attacker is the only one to blame. Don’t beat yourself up for assuming that your attacker was a decent human being. Your attacker is the one who should feel guilty and ashamed, not you.
You were drunk or not cautious enough. Regardless of the circumstances, the only one who is responsible for the assault is the perpetrator. You did not ask for it or deserve what happened to you. Assign responsibility where it belongs: on the rapist.
STEP 3: Prepare for flashbacks and upsetting memories
When you go through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into “fight-or-flight” mode. When the threat has passed, your body calms down. But traumatic experiences such as rape can cause your nervous system to become stuck in a state of high alert. You’re hyper sensitive to the smallest of stimuli. This is the case for many rape survivors. Flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive memories are extremely common, especially in the first few months following the assault. If your nervous system remains “stuck” in the long-term and you develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they can last much longer.
To reduce the stress of flashbacks and upsetting memories:
Try to anticipate and prepare for triggers. Common triggers include anniversary dates; people or places associated with the rape; and certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you are aware of what triggers may cause an upsetting reaction, you’ll be in a better position to understand what’s happening and take steps to calm down.
Pay attention to your body’s danger signals. Your body and emotions give you clues when you’re starting to feel stressed and unsafe. These clues include feeling tense, holding your breath, racing thoughts, shortness of breath, hot flashes, dizziness, and nausea.
Take immediate steps to self-soothe. When you notice any of the above symptoms, it’s important to quickly act to calm yourself down before they spiral out of control. One of the quickest and most effective ways to calm anxiety and panic is to slow down your breathing.
Soothe panic with this simple breathing exercise
Sit or stand comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.
Take a slow breath in through your nose, counting to four. The hand on your stomach should rise. The hand on your chest should move very little.
Hold your breath for a count of seven.
Exhale through your mouth to a count of eight, pushing out as much air as you can while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.
Inhale again, repeating the cycle until you feel relaxed and centered.
It’s not always possible to prevent flashbacks. But if you find yourself losing touch with the present and feeling like the sexual assault is happening all over again, there are actions you can take.
Accept and reassure yourself that this is a flashback, not reality. The traumatic event is over and you survived. Here’s a simple script that can help: “I am feeling [panicked, frightened, overwhelmed, etc.] because I am remembering the rape/sexual assault, but as I look around I can see that the assault isn’t happening right now and I’m not actually in danger.”
Ground yourself in the present. Grounding techniques can help you direct your attention away from the flashback and back to your present environment. For example, try tapping or touching your arms or describing your actual environment and what you see when look around—name the place where you are, the current date, and 3 things you see when you look around.
STEP 4: Reconnect to your body and feelings
Since your nervous system is in a hypersensitive state following a rape or assault, you may start trying to numb yourself or avoid any associations with the trauma. But you can’t selectively numb your feelings. When you shut down the unpleasant sensations, you also shut down your self-awareness and capacity for joy. You end up disconnected both emotionally and physically—existing, but not fully living.
Signs that you’re avoiding and numbing in unhelpful ways:
Feeling physically shut down. You don’t feel bodily sensations like you used to (you might even have trouble differentiating between pleasure and pain).
Feeling separate from your body or surroundings (you may feel like you’re watching yourself or the situation you’re in, rather than participating in it).
Having trouble concentrating and remembering things.
Using stimulants, risky activities, or physical pain to feel alive and counteract the empty feeling inside of you.
Compulsively using drugs or alcohol.
Escaping through fantasies, daydreams, or excessive TV, video games, etc.
Feeling detached from the world, the people in your life, and the activities you used to enjoy.
To recover after rape, you need to reconnect to your body and feelings
It’s frightening to get back in touch with your body and feelings following a sexual trauma. In many ways, rape makes your body the enemy, something that’s been violated and contaminated—something you may hate or want to ignore. It’s also scary to face the intense feelings associated with the assault. But while the process of reconnecting may feel threatening, it’s not actually dangerous. Feelings, while powerful, are not reality. They won’t hurt you or drive you insane. The true danger to your physical and mental health comes from avoiding them.
Once you’re back in touch with your body and feelings, you will feel more safe, confident, and powerful. You can achieve this through the following techniques:
Rhythmic movement. Rhythm can be very healing. It helps us relax and regain a sense of control over our bodies. Anything that combines rhythm and movement will work: dancing, drumming, marching. You can even incorporate it into your walking or running routine by concentrating on the back and forth movements of your arms and legs.
Mindfulness meditation. You can practice mindfulness meditation anywhere, even while you are walking or eating. Simply focus on what you’re feeling in the present movement—including any bodily sensations and emotions. The goal is to observe without judgement.
Massage. After rape, you may feel uncomfortable with human touch. But touching and being touched is an important way we give and receive affection and comfort. You can begin to reopen yourself to human contact through massage therapy.
STEP 5: Stay connected
It’s common to feel isolated and disconnected from others following a sexual assault. You may feel tempted to withdraw from social activities and your loved ones. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the people who care about you. Support from other people is vital to your recovery. But remember that support doesn’t mean that you always have to talk about or dwell on what happened. Having fun and laughing with people who care about you can be equally healing.
Participate in social activities, even if you don’t feel like it. Do “normal” things with other people, things that have nothing to do with the sexual trauma.
Reconnect with old friends. If you’ve retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect.
Make new friends. If you live alone or far from family and friends, try to reach out and make new friends. Take a class or join a club to meet people with similar interests, connect to an alumni association, or reach out to neighbours or work colleagues.
STEP 6: Nurture yourself
Healing from sexual trauma is a gradual, ongoing process. It doesn’t happen overnight, nor do the memories of the trauma ever disappear completely. This can make life seem difficult at times. But there are many steps you can take to cope with the residual symptoms and reduce your anxiety and fear.
Take time to rest and restore your body’s balance. That means taking a break when you’re tired and avoiding the temptation to lose yourself by throwing yourself into activities. Avoid doing anything compulsively, including working. If you’re having trouble relaxing and letting down your guard, you may benefit from relaxation techniques such as meditation and yoga.
Be smart about media consumption. Avoid watching any program that could trigger bad memories or flashbacks. This includes obvious things such as news reports about sexual violence and sexually explicit TV shows and movies. But you may also want to temporarily avoid anything that’s over-stimulating, including social media.
Take care of yourself physically. It’s always important to eat right, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep—but even more so when you’re healing from trauma. Exercise in particular can soothe your traumatized nervous system, relieve stress, and help you feel more powerful and in control of your body.
Avoid alcohol and drugs. Avoid the temptation to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. Substance use worsens many symptoms of trauma, including emotional numbing, social isolation, anger, and depression. It also interferes with treatment and can contribute to problems at home and in your relationship.
How to help someone recover from rape or sexual trauma:
1) When a spouse, partner, sibling, or other loved one has been raped or sexually assaulted, it can generate painful emotions and take a heavy toll on your relationship. You may feel angry and frustrated, be desperate for your relationship to return to how it was before the assault, or even want to retaliate against your loved one’s attacker. But it’s your patience, understanding, and support that your loved one needs now, not more displays of aggression or violence.
2) Let your loved one know that you still love them and reassure them that the assault was not their fault. Nothing they did or didn’t do could make them culpable in any way.
3) Allow your loved one to open up at their own pace. Some victims of sexual assault find it very difficult to talk about what happened, others may need to talk about the assault over and over again. This can make you feel alternately frustrated or uncomfortable. But don’t try to force your loved one to open up or urge them to stop rehashing the past. Instead, let them know that you’re there to listen whenever they want to talk. If hearing about your loved one’s assault brings you discomfort, talking to another person can help put things in perspective.
4) Encourage your loved one to seek help, but don’t pressurize. Following the trauma of a rape or sexual assault, many people feel totally disempowered. You can help your loved one to regain a sense of control by not pushing or cajoling. Encourage them to reach out for help, but let them make the final decision. Take cues from your loved one as to how you can best provide support.
5) Show empathy and caution about physical intimacy. It’s common for someone who’s been sexually assaulted to shy away from physical touch, but at the same time it’s important they don’t feel those closest to them are emotionally withdrawing or that they’ve somehow been “tarnished” by the attack. As well as expressing affection verbally, seek permission to hold or touch your loved one. In the case of a spouse or sexual partner, understand your loved one will likely need time to regain a sense of control over their life and body before desiring sexual intimacy.
6) Take care of yourself. The more calm, relaxed, and focused you are, the better you’ll be able to help your loved one. Manage your own stress and reach out to others for support.
7) Be patient. Healing from the trauma of rape or sexual assault takes time. Flashbacks, nightmares, debilitating fear, and other symptom of PTSD can persist long after any physical injuries have healed.
SUGGESTED WAYS & IDEAS TO CURB RAPE MENACE
Rape cases has been treated with levity in some court cases and I will highlight two cases which still buttresses my point that the law is responsible for many of this cases.
Firstly, in the case of Popoola V State in 2013, Justice Muntaka Coomasie stated that rape is an heinous(wicked) and heartless act. He stated that the 5 year sentence is condemned. He also said that the death sentence is unnecessarily lenient and loose.
Secondly, in the case of Edwin Ezigbo V State in 2012, The 32 year old man whose victims were Ogechi Kelechi which was 8 years old and Chioma which was 6 years old.
Justice Muhammad stated that to have carnal knowledge of Underage girls such as the victims of this case is callous and animalistic. It is against the laws of all human beings, God, the State.
Such small girls and indeed all females of whatever should be protected against callous acts. I wish the punishment was heavy to serve as deterrent to others.
In a bid to reduce or curb rape, I have highlighted a few points for it, such as:
1) Underage children should not be left unsupervised or with friends, relatives, guardians that are not to be trusted. As a matter of fact, parents should ensure that they actively monitor their children.
2) There should be routine examinations of children private parts at many times for sources of pain or any other sign that may show any form of child abuse.
3) The punishment for a rapist should be the same for an accomplice.
4) Once a victim reports at an hospital or at a police station, medical evidences forensic examination resources such as rape kits, voice analysis, facial recognition systems and handwriting analysis. Fingerprint impression should also be made available and immediate response be given to individual cases. Traces of DNA from blood, hair, saliva, skin, semen, teeth bite can be quickly obtained to aid corroborative evidences.
5) The length of rape trial should be short so that the victim will be able to recount at least 90% of the incident.
6) There should be procedural tests carried out to diagnose and it may also lead to evidence pointing to the perpetrators.
7) Identity of rape victims should be kept in secrecy if the victims so wish. This will reduce incidences of social stigma.
8) Some students have been brutally sexually assaulted while trying to answer the call of nature in bushes or deserted places or areas. Therefore, educational facilities should provide application sanitary facilities
9) Advice to victims to resist, fight tooth and nail, have biro, pocket knife, pepper spray etc.
10) There should be creation or more creation of local rape crisis centre should be established to provide necessary first aid, help and psychological relief to victims of rape and advise them on possible actions to be taken
11) Enlightenment campaign to discourage sex offences. Myths such as having sex with a virgin or a child will cure diseases is false.
12) While I suggested the most dreadful form of death for rapist whether masculine or feminine, I gave castration, however the Speaker of the House of Representatives said if castration becomes the punishment, what are we going to castrate in women. To balance this, I resolved to punishment that I call pray for death; the rapist will be begging for death to come, by the time his fingers are sliced one by one like carrot. He or she must go through torture that the victims face too.
However in the light of recommended punishment for rapists The Minister of State (Health), Dr Olorunimbe Mamora, yesterday 30th of June, 2020 has recommended that “total penile amputation”, should be the punishment to check the rising wave of rape in Nigeria.
According to him, the cases have increased within the period of COVID-19 lockdown because socialising has greatly reduced while “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.”
He, however, stated that it would be difficult to prove alleged rape, which took place 10 years ago because it would no longer be a fresh case.
“But having said that, there is no defence; don’t forget there is also the factor of stigmatisation, which may make people to just downplay or fail to report it. And you also have the situation, where the victim is probably too young to express what has happened.
“I think it is a phenomenon that we really need to look at very critically because it has become an epidemic,” the minister said.
Mamora, in an interview with The PUNCH in Abuja on Friday, said he was recommending total penile amputation because a woman that had been raped might never get over it in her entire life.
He said, “I had argued this at a forum before and I said without any reservations that if for the consideration for global approach to de-emphasising capital punishment, then what to me should be the minimum is total penile amputation because a woman that has been raped may never get over it in her entire life.
“I think that it would appear that the incident has increased within this period of COVID-19, which may just be a factor of people being kept at home because of the lockdown; socialising has greatly reduced and like it is said, an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
“People cannot vent their excitement as before, where people can go to clubs, bars and all that and be able to express themselves. Yes, there must be factors that must be responsible for this upsurge of rape at this point in time, but there should be no excuse.
The general public, victims, unapprehended sex offenders or potential ones may find these provisions of the law useful.
1) Assault with intent to commit unnatural offence (against the order of nature) is punishable with 14 years imprisonment.
2) Indecent assault on males is punishable by 3 years imprisonment
3) Rape is punishable by life imprisonment, with or without caning.
4) Attempt to commit rape is punishable with 14 years imprisonment
5) Indecent assault on females is punishable with 2 years imprisonment
6) Abduction is punishable with 7 years imprisonment
7) Abduction of girls under sixteen is punishable with two years imprisonment
Please note that ignorance of the age of the girls or boys as regards consent will not ground a defence.
CONCLUSION
The Bible says let us hear the conclusion of the matter😅😅. I hereby conclude by saying that it is my honest desire that there will be a time where this rape issue will be drastically reduced or eradicated. Also, I wish to say that even a rapist repents and turns to God, God has forgiven him or her but the person will still face the law of the land. The person can open a church in the prison self abi ki le feel?😂😂😂😂
Hope to see you in the comment section. I await your comments, additions, subtraction, critiquing, criticism or as the case maybe.
Thank you for reading!
The Pilot 