TABLE OF CONTENTS
1) INTRODUCTION
2) DEFINITION OF RAPE
3) LEGAL PERSPECTIVE
4) CATEGORIES OF RAPE
5) THE NARRATIVES SHOULD NOT BE CHANGED
6) REASONS FOR LOW RATE OF RAPE PROSECUTION
7) NEW DEVELOPMENTS IN RAPE DISCOURSE
8) WHY THE RISE OF RAPE?
9) FALSE ACCUSATIONS ABOUT RAPE
10) ALL BOYS/GIRLS ARE RAPIST DIRECTIVE
11) TRAUMATIC EFFECTS OF RAPE VICTIMS AND HOW TO RECOVER FROM RAPE
12) SUGGESTED WAYS AND IDEAS TO CURB RAPE MENACE
13) CONCLUSION

INTRODUCTION

The case of rape has been one discussion that has been on for a long time but never tackled from the root and often neglected at times. The recent happenings of rapid rape cases which led to ladies raising their voice on social media via the hashtag #wearetired# #noisno#. While we cannot blame them for this, we are still not tackling this issue from the root. While many outburst comes from a place of emotions, I will be dropping my two cents on this issue and it will come from different Perspectives and also based on emotions and fact and it will be nice to know that I will be talking about raping both genders. Kindly follow me on this journey. However, my heart goes out to everyone who has been raped or sexually assaulted either by opposite or same gender. How i know what It means to be assaulted but not sexually and I may only try to understand what it means but not understand the depth of the assaulted or the raped ones. My heart goes out to you, it has never and will never be your fault. We could say indecent dressing, location etc but what about the seven months old children, 1 year old children??? I believe that by the time I finish this article I would have ticked many boxes.
Also, I will be open to criticism, critiques, addition, disagreement, comments in the comment section as no man is an island of knowledge, so what I have here are my perceptions. Join me on this journey. It could be emotional but I promise to let It out.

DEFINITION IS RAPE

To a layman, Rape is having carnal knowledge or sexual relationships with someone against the person’s will. However, according to the legal system, Rape can be defined as having unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman or girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of false act, or, in case of a married woman, be personating her husband. As we go on, I will be talking extensively on these.

LEGAL PERSPECTIVE
Having taken time to study the law on rape cases, I can vividly say that law is responsible to a fault and we are all responsible for this. How? The House of Assembly election doesn’t concern many of us, all many of us is concerned about is presidential and gubernatorial elections and even during those elections many people are used to vote buying. We forget that if we elect the dullards like the current ones there now, they make silly laws and it becomes binding as signed into law by the President.
According to the Law of Federation 2004, there are two different codes of law which is binding on the Nigerian citizens. They are Penal code and Criminal code. The Penal code is pertinent to the North while the Criminal code is pertinent to the South.
With respect to rape, both the criminal code and the penal code are majorly the same but there are few differences. Another reason why I fault the law with regards to rape in the constitution is that it was focused on the rape of only the feminine gender.
In section 357 and 358 of the criminal code, it states that in Nigeria, a person has committed rape where he has sexual relations (carnal knowledge) with a woman against her will; or
1) Without her consent
2) Consent while putting her in fear of death or hurt
3) Misrepresenting as the husband of the woman
4) Having carnal knowledge of a girl under 14 years with or without consent
5) Having carnal knowledge of a girl with an unsound mind

While the penal code agrees with the criminal code, it further went to state that even if the lady is the wife of the man, and she has not attained puberty, the person will be guilty of rape. Attaining the stage of puberty can be relative and girls attain it at different ages. While I consider law as silly, it has actively played its part In child marriages most especially in the northern part of Nigeria. An example to bring up the case of Senator Sani Yerima and the 13 year old Egyptian wife he married.

CATEGORIES OF RAPE

While there could be more categories of rape pending in the circumstances surrounding the rape, I have grouped in into 10, such as:
i) Acquaintance Rape
ii) Command Rape
iii) Date Rape
iv) Incestuous Rape
v) Fraud Rape
vi) Underage Rape
vii) Statutory Rape
viii) Gang Rape
ix) Marital Rape
x) Induced Consented Rape

While we have established that rape having carnal knowledge without consent or consent with coercion or with fear or death.
However, induced Consented rape is a new one that I came up and it is done with the aid of Spanish fly. Spanish fly is a that could Increase the sexual desire of a person and the person won’t rest till he or she has sex. The person will be the one asking for sex and so why it could be manipulated that it was with consent. It is the Spanish fly at work. That is why I call it induced Consented rape. So instead of drugging her to fall asleep, the guy can even record it how you were begging for sex and all but it doesn’t change the fact of what happened.

THE NARRATIVES SHOULD NOT BE CHANGED

Anything without consent is rape. This is a narrative that has been and should be and even though it has been squashed many times, it is still the truth. The Narratives should however not be changed. With respect to the ladies, let a no be no and a yes be yes. There have been cases when a girl says no and she meant no. There are also cases that a girl says no and the guy respects that and gets home and she sends a message that when she said no, she wanted him to try harder. My narrative is this, whether you are a guy or girl, man or woman, Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Also, if you are on the receiving end, whatever you are told should be respected. Anything consent gotten with coercion is rape.

REASONS FOR LOW RATE OF RAPE PROSECUTION

1) Inability and victims to report cases to the Police: Shame and neglect shown towards the victims by friends and family. This could range from openly mocking the victims to being neglected by close family members and friends. In some cultures, some are even seen as having brought shame and dishonour to the family.
Considering the statistics of decided cases on rape at the Court of Appeal and Supreme Court, a cursory look shows that most reported instances of rape are from underage children, most times this under age children don’t even know what happened at times, it is until they grow older they now know they were either sexually assaulted or raped There is a general lack of support from care agencies of government who should not ordinarily encourage these victims but also re-engineer a systemic re-integration of victims into the society. On the other hand, adults choose to shut up and suffer in pain and anguish because of social stigma.
2) Lack of Proper Investigation: The Police are not totally equipped to carry out investigations. They should also not conceal identity if the victim wants it that way, ask for bribes, stop asking irrelevant questions. A typical example will be that of a victim approaching a police station and the police officers insist on laying the complaint over the counter without trying to conceal her identity or guaranteeing her privacy or possibly requesting information that is not central to the genuine complaints.
As far as I am concerned, apart from the delay in commencing investigation or total lack of, the police institution is not adequately equipped in both human and material resources to effectively investigate rape cases.
There is a lack of specialized training for police officers in handling these cases or in providing support for the victims. Furthermore, forensic identification of suspects cannot be effectively carried out, the use of biological evidence such as blood, semen, saliva, vagina epithelial cells etc is totally lacking. There is serious doubt as to the existence of a functional forensic crime laboratory in Nigeria.

3) Weak Legal Sanctions and Enforcement: On April 10,2014 The then Chairman, Senate Committee on Women Affairs and Youth Matters, Senator Helen Esuene moved a motion under David Mark who was the then Senate President to protect infants and minors from the cruelty of rape and other abuses. David Mark further reiterated that “we must that ensure that maximum sanctions are meted out to culprits of rape and sexual abuses”. Senator Helen further stated that sodomy, indecent assault carry out lesser punishment. This point has been mooted by Senator Helen Esuene when she moved a motion to protect infants and minors from the cruelty of rape and other abuses.
Even though the offence of rape is in itself punishable with life imprisonment, other related offences such as indecent assault, sodomy etc carries lesser punishment.
It is not just expedient to ensure maximum punishment, it is also imperative to enforce this punishment in a very firm and decisive manner. The police authorities should courageously investigate and recommend for prosecution the alleged offenders. The judiciary should not shy away from handing out maximum punishment, when the occasion demands, to sex offenders. This will serve as a deterrent to other members of the public.

4) Legal Requirement: These include eye witness, medical evidence, actual penetration of the vagina. This is actually absurd to be honest because first of all, for the offence of rape to be properly established, there must be corroborative evidence which usually comes from eyewitnesses account or medical evidence. As regards eyewitnesses’ corroboration, the law requires that such witnesses must have witnessed the actual penetration of the victim’s vagina. How this is possible, practically speaking, at all times, defeats my wildest imagination. Most often than not, sex offenders will not undertake the abominable act in a place easily accessible to members of the public and there is always the possibility that before any eyewitness finally reaches a rape crime scene, the offender would have disengaged from the victim which ultimately means that rape as a criminal offence cannot be established but a lesser offence of attempted rape.
Most or all rape cases doesn’t have eye witness apart from the victim and the rapist, I could have been raped few years ago and gotten married and how does this explain the vagina penetration.
Secondly, the law requires that there must be penetration of the vagina, no matter how slight, this is in itself a laudable idea.
The other way through which corroboration can be established is through medical evidence which has been discussed above. The lack of human and material resources to medically investigate and reach conclusive findings in a rape case leaves a sour taste in the mouth.
This doesn’t take out the place of false accusations but I am hoping that as I continue, we will redefine what actually is.
In 2002, World Health Organization also known as WHO defined rape as a physically forced or coerced penetration even if it is slight of the vulva or anus using a penis or body parts or objects. In 2012, The Federal Bureau Investigation otherwise known as FBI and International Criminal Court Tribunal for Rwanda describes rape as physical invasion of a sexual nature committed on a person under circumstances which are coercive.
This means that the recent case that happened in Ejigbo were women were physically and brutally sexually assaulted by shoving sticks and grounded pepper into their private parts is instructive.
The perpetrators should have been accused of rape if the acts of rape had been extensive and had been made to include penetration not only by penis but by mouth, objects etc. Also not only penetration of the vagina but other parts of the body.
I hereby suggest that a more inclusive and all encompassing definition of rape should be included in the criminal code and penal code of Nigeria.
Rape is condemnable, it is an unjustifiable act in our society and it is, finally, time that we rise as a nation to condemn and eradicate this despicable act.
Victims of rape are made to suffer unquantifiable anguish, some become diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, dissociation from reality, depersonalization, they endure physical violence, avoid social life, get infected with sexually transmitted infections, encounter serious difficulty in remembering events, relives moments of sexual assault and unwanted pregnancy amongst other ills.

NEW DEVELOPMENTS IN RAPE DISCOURSE

The above definition of Rape, is now regarded as obsolete and it states that “Rape is having unlawful carnal knowledge of a woman or girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of false act, or, in case of a married woman, be personating her husband”
Modern socio-legal realities have shown us that the legal definition of rape in Nigeria can no longer be applicable to effectively combat this rape menace. The first point of consideration is:
1) Female to Male Rape: To many, this postulation seems unreal or rather ridiculous, the possibility of a female sexually assaulting a male seems remote but it is not rare and is, in fact, not a recent phenomenon. For as back as 1978, it was reported that a certain lady named Joyce McKinney in the case of the popular “Mormon Sex in Chains” scandal was convicted for chaining a man and forcing him to have sexual intercourse with her.
The assumption that only females can be raped is due to a number of wrong or stereotypical reasons such as; Men always want sex or boys and men cannot be victims because they are easily physically aroused. I vehemently disagree with this assumption. As a matter of fact, I vividly oppose it and I will never endorse it. For instance, some years ago, I was a student of International School, University of Lagos, the second gate of Unilag leads to queen college and I also had after school lessons around queens college and my cousin was in queens college, there was a certain ice cream man that stays there during break time, the principal instructed him not to sell once the siren for break over is sound, the next day while trying to obey the principal, SS3 students (now don’t forget that this is an all girls school) asked him to sell and he refused, they used a trick that he should enter and they will take him to the front of principal office and beg for him to sell, obviously he wanted to make more money and he obliged and he entered but they stylishly used one corner that is a deserted place and as he didn’t know the principal office, he also wouldn’t have thought of anything bad. Long and short of the story, this girls in their numbers raped this guy till he was almost at the point of death, while I can’t confirm if he made it alive, this guy was hanged raped. There is another similar case like this but this happened in Delsu Girl’s Hostel.
We must understand that the male erectile response is involuntary which is very similar to a female response; we agree that a female while being sexually assaulted may still experience involuntary arousal which is a mechanical stimulation. This position is also applicable to men or boys. There are instances where a man can be scared, intimidated or blackmailed into engaging in sexual relations with a woman outside his wishes. Therefore, it is apt to say that men in Nigeria have been, over the decades, subjected to, social, political and legal double standards in this respect.
To further rebuff the claim that a man cannot be raped, the cases of Mary Kay Letourneau and Debra Lafave where teachers sexually abused underage boys who were supposed to be under their care. Recently, in Nigeria, there was a viral video circulating depicting a girl sexually assaulting a younger male.
I might not be able to ascertain the ratio or percentage of which is higher between female to male rape and male to female rape but the Statement that the former doesn’t exist is delusional.
This female to male rape is otherwise called ‘made to penetrate” cases, therefore, my postulation is that a more inclusive definition of rape be pronounced, this is to include or reflect genuine concerns that a man or a boy can be victims of rape, the punishment in this respect should rank in the same punishment with that of a male sexual offender.

2) Lesbian Rape/ Male to Male: There may be instances where a girl may be a victim of rape by another girl or woman. With the advent of sex toys such as strap-ons, dildos, tongue, non-consensual tribalism or forced digital manipulation, it cannot be far-fetched to say lesbian rape is real. In a discussion with a Pharmacist friend, she described, in sordid details, her experience dealing with a man sodomised by another man. These acts have been left unchecked due to the social stigma and lack of service and support systems to the victims. Recent study shows that men are raping not just men but young boys too, what does this mean, my people, NOBODY IS SAFE!!!!! A major source of concern in this regards will be the prisons. It has been reported that a lot of cases such as this emanates from there.
3) Spousal Rape: This is a very critical issue surrounding rape in most countries. This will be focused on the religious perspectives of both Christians and Islam. The Christians have misinterpreted a Particular bible verse And this has led to manipulation in marriages and has been coined under the name marital debt. For decades, especially in developing countries and with particular focus on Nigeria, there has been wide held and erroneous belief that a husband cannot rape his wife. As far as I am concerned, this is a rather outdated legal position, the ridiculous assertion historically stems from the following sources:
According to the Legal Treatise by Sir Matthew Hales in 1736 Sir Matthew Hales titled “Historia Placitorum Coronae or History of the Pleas of the Crown”, he stated “…hath given up herself in this kind unto her husband which she cannot retract”.
The Christian concept of ‘marital debt’ is founded in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says “let the husband render unto his wife due benevolence and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power over her own body but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife…. Deprive ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
While I am working on an article which talks about marital rape, I will like to explain in its totality what this verse actually means.
The first question should be What does “Do Not Deprive or Defraud pending on the version you are using, only King James Version used Defraud” really mean when it comes to sex?

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

It us important to note that the Statement “do not deprive” is not the same as “do not refuse”, and shouldn’t be interpreted to mean that a spouse is under obligation to make love each and every time their spouse wants to. “Do not deprive” should not be used as a weapon. This is one section.
The other section “do not deprive” means we should be aiming for the maximum of sexual activity and fulfillment, not the minimum.
Now let me reconcile these two sections
Deprive is not the same as refuse. I believe many people interpret this verse to mean refuse. Are women obligated to have sex every time a man wants it? Are men obligated to have sex anytime a woman wants it? Are we ever allowed to refuse?
Well, let’s look more closely at deprive.
If I were to say to you, “do not deprive your child of good food,” what am I implying? I’m saying that your child should get the food that is commonly recognized for good health: three healthy meals a day, with some snacks. I am not saying that every time your child pulls at your leg and says, “Mommy, can I have a bag of Cheetos?” that you have to say yes. You are not depriving your child of good food by refusing a request for Cheetos.
Deprive implies that there is a level of sexual activity that is necessary for a healthy marriage. And, to extend the food analogy a little bit, this doesn’t mean that we should be aiming for the minimum, either: for instance, life in concentration camps proved that you could keep people alive with one meal a day at 800 calories. But that is NOT healthy.

I don’t think it’s bad to say that the truth is somewhere in the middle. Isn’t that so with most of Christianity? The Bible presents us with plenty of dichotomies: grace vs. works; free will vs. predestination; justice vs. mercy. These dichotomies give us pause to wrestle with them and wrestle with God and come to know Him better in the process.
And so we come to today’s dichotomy: self-control and passion.
Both are of God. Neither is better than the other. And in most marriages, one spouse leans more towards self-control, and one spouse leans more towards passion.

Why didn’t God make us both the same?

Well, let’s pretend for a minute that He gave both of us super high sex drives. What would happen? We’d have sex all the time, but we wouldn’t necessarily work on communication, or intimacy, or vulnerability, or trust. We wouldn’t need to! We’d both have such high drives that we could get our needs met without any of that other stuff getting in the way. So we’d have rather shallow lives.
And if he made us both with tremendous self-control, so that we really didn’t desire very much ever, then we’d live rather solitary lives, and again we wouldn’t work on communication, and selflessness, and intimacy, and trust.
Personally, I think that communication and selflessness and intimacy and vulnerability are all pretty good things in a marriage. And here’s how the whole thing works:
The higher libido spouse feels as if they aren’t getting their needs met, and so they feel deprived. They may emotionally pull back a little. The lower libido spouse then feels that emotional distance and doesn’t like it, causing them to pull back. Both spouses have now pulled back.
Many marriages get stuck there. Both spouses hunker down, sure that they’re right, and nothing ever improves.
But that’s an awfully uncomfortable place to be. Not only are you not getting your needs met; you know that you’re losing your emotional connection. You get lonely. So what do you do?
In an ideal world, you decide to put your own needs on hold for a minute and reach out to your spouse. You start connecting emotionally. You even start connecting more sexually. You reach out where you can in order to bridge the gap.
But reaching out means that we’re going against our natural instincts. If we’re naturally more self-controlled, we’re trying to develop more passion. If we’re naturally more passionate, we’re trying to develop more self-control. And at the same time we’re developing selflessness, because we’re focused on how to meet our spouse’s need, not on how to meet ours.
That’s how God designed marriage! He didn’t design it to be easy, or we wouldn’t become selfless.

He didn’t design a joining of two identical people, or we wouldn’t need to grow.

But God’s whole purpose for us is to grow and become more selfless and more Christ like. And marriage is one of His vehicles for making us holier, not just happier. I do believe that marriage can make us extremely happy, but I think the point of marriage is that it first makes us holy.
So if you’re in a marriage where you have a major libido difference, don’t look at your spouse and say, “if only he would grow up and stop being so shallow!”, or “if only she would reach out and stop being so frigid.” Don’t look at your spouse at all. Instead, look at God. And ask Him to help you become more Christ like.
Our response to this problem must always be to look at God, not to try to change our spouse. Nowhere in Scripture does it say that we should demand our rights if we’re not getting what we deserve. For this reason , “Do not deprive” should never be used as a weapon; it goes against everything Scripture is for. Scripture focuses on servanthood, not on tyranny.
But nowhere in Scripture does it also say that we can use God’s word to justify ourselves so that we don’t need to change, either. It doesn’t say, “if you’re in the right, you can just sit there and not do anything and act all righteous.” No, it says, “in as much as it is up to you, live at peace with all.” We are to do what is up to us. So if you feel your spouse is unreasonable, you don’t have an excuse to act justified about withholding love or affection.
Look to God instead of justifying yourself. Try this:

God, I know you’re a God of passion. You made incredible beauty. You created us with the capacity for such deep emotion and such deep intimacy. I want to live life abundantly, and I’m scared I’m missing out. Please give me a taste of your passion. Help make me more passionate in my marriage.
God, I know that you created us to be more than our passions. You created us to love you first and foremost. Help me to learn to lean on you when I feel as if I’m not getting my sexual needs met. Help me to grow in passion for you even if I feel a lack of passion in my marriage.

Use your differences to drive you to God, not to point out all the flaws in your spouse!
Maybe God actually wants to change YOU. Maybe God actually wants you to grow and lean on Him more and live a more abundant, trusting life.
That doesn’t mean that there aren’t areas that your spouse needs to grow, too, and you certainly need to talk to your spouse about this. But I still believe that the reason that God made us differently is so that we would be drawn to Him.
Look, people, I have seen this verse used as a weapon against spouses. And I have seen other spouses simply withdraw and withhold affection and sex from their spouses. Neither extreme is right.
So today, can you take this challenge: whichever area you need to grow in, whether it’s passion or self-control, can you commit to God to praying about it and practising it? Trying to “put on” passion when you’re not used to it may feel fake, but don’t shy away from it! God is a passionate God; He wants to help you. And trying to exercise self-control when you feel rejected is hard; but God is also a God who is used to being rejected. We all have areas to grow in; instead of seeing all the things that your spouse is doing wrong, can you commit to growing in this area? That’s what God really wants from you (even if He also wants the same of your spouse).

Let me touch a little bit of this in the Islamic section, Quranic injunction which was quoted by Abu Huraira who was one of the companions of Prophet Muhammad and who was the
most prolific narrator of Hadith which is a collection of the traditions of Prophet Muhammad said in the book Sahih Bukhari which is the most recommended book after the Quran. It was stated in Volume 4, Book 54, Number 460 that:
“if a husband calls his wife to bed and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning” Now let me explain, the word “bed” in that context is a metaphor for intercourse. Another narration says “By the One in Whose hand is my soul, there is no man who calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, Butttt the One who is above the heavens which is Allah will be angry with her until he which is her husband is pleased with her. It is also said there are three categories of people whose prayers will not be accepted and none of whose goods deeds will ascend to heaven:
A run away slave, until he returns to his master; A drunken man until he becomes sober; a woman with whom her husband is angry until he is pleased by her. These are General terms that apply to both day and night.
Therefore, it is my humble submission that in as much as it is desirable to keep a family’s affairs private, it is also important to recognize that a woman, even though married, may refuse sexual intercourse with the husband and vice versa for any reason or no reason at all. It will be appropriate to include spousal rape as a criminal offence, this will be in a positive light as other advanced countries specifically Eastern Europe and Scandinavian countries (before 1970), Western Europe (1980’s-1990’s), some developing countries (1990’s – 2000’s) have all criminalized spousal rape.
We must also recognize couples who might be judicially separated, in an abusive marriage or in the process of obtaining a divorce, should we be compelled to accept that these categories of men and women be unnecessarily bound by law to engage in marital intercourse with an estranged husband or wife when he or she so desires?
The law in its totality of both criminal code and penal code, don’t even agree with spousal rape. Isn’t that stupidly amazing 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 while section 357 doesn’t fault marital rape as lo g as she as passed puberty stage, the penal code has something interesting. According to Section 55(1)d of the penal code, it states that: subject to customs that have been recognized as lawful, allows a husband to “correct his wife” as long as it does not amount to “grievous hurt.”
Section 55(2) goes on to state that the correction must be reasonable in kind or degree with regards to the age, physical, and mental conditions of the person being corrected.
However in section 241 of the same penal code, Grievous hurt was further explained. It states that Grievous hurt is defined as “(a) emasculation; (b) permanent deprivation of the sight of an eye, of the hearing of an ear or the power of speech; (c) deprivation of any member or joint; (d) destruction or permanent impairing of the powers of any member or joint; (e) permanent disfiguration of the head or face; (f) fracture or dislocation of a bone or tooth; (g) any hurt which endangers life or which causes the sufferer to be during the space of twenty days in severe bodily pain or unable to follow his ordinary pursuits.” This has fully shown that the law has played its active part in this inhumane, beast like, animalistic behaviour of a character.
May it not be the intention of our legislature to impose this unbearable situation on couples. Therefore, spousal rape should be included in our criminal laws in plain and simple language with limits and exceptions clearly stated.

WHY THE RISE OF RAPE

To be very candid, it will be appalling to say that rape is on the rise because socializing has reduced as a result of covid-19as suggested by The Minister of Health(state), Dr Mamora. Some also said it is because brothels has closed or there are no prostitutes around again.
I would disagree, it is the same thing as saying you are giving excuse for One million boys who were rampaging the whole of Lagos at different times of the day. It is simply a demonic act that has been In the mind for long, it was only looking for the right time to act. If the one million boys complain of hunger as a result of stealing, ask them why rob the poor or the ones that have little. Why not go and rob the high and mighty?
Lack of socialization cannot be the cause. I may not agree with everyone sexual values but it doesn’t change the fact that people have sex, if you don’t have anyone to have sex, some even resort to dice rolling. Lol. But to you no prostitutes or socialization as an excuse is a rape like behaviour and it is a rape apologist character.
Rape is a beast like and demonic character and while some may argue that indecent dressing or place and time as a defence, I would like to ask a question; The 8 months or 1 year old children nko? Right from when I was small, I have always said rapists have low self esteem but it is far more than that.
Another question is this: If you have been given consent with your partner or wife and you guys are having sex, then she says stop or you are hurting her, will you continue or stop?
Do you think it will be selfish of you to continue while your partner is hurting? Do you really care? Again, while you may be so In the mood and feel you cannot stop, another question is this, If a thief comes in at that point, will you continue or stop? I leave you to answer these questions and hope I get them In the comment section. It may be unrealistic truthfully because I heard that stuff(I mean sex) is very very sweet like Yoruba will say o dun gaan, we are human beings but it doesn’t stop us from the truth in its totality. We need another level of self control to stop this ooo😂 😂😂😂😂😅😅😅😅😅

FALSE ACCUSATIONS ABOUT RAPE

It is not new that there are many false accusations about rape. Many have tendered to the feminine gender however this does not stop the fact that of every 5 girls about 3 have been raped or sexually assaulted if not more. The same can be said of the boys but the difference is the masculine gender has been thought to shut up! Not to speak! Crush things in the mind! I mean how can you say a girl raped you? Just how? Are you not a man? One day, I asked my friend that if I tell you I have been raped and he said as big as you are, woman go still rape you? No naw. Thank God i was not raped, I would have kept quiet for life.
All of these have said doesn’t change the fact that people get raped while some accuse people falsely to chase clout and sympathy and tarnish the image of the male mostly because that is the story we hear, it is sad because this has made some real stories not to be believed. Also the men don’t really have a say because the women have believed the stories and sometimes it turns out to be true and so legal matters has been the order of the day.
The Law court also doesn’t know emotions but fact. Is there any evidence? Even if it is true as long as no evidence, it is flinged out. This was evident in the Case of Busola Dakolo vs Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo.

ALL BOYS/GIRLS ARE RAPIST DIRECTIVE

Not all boys are rapists, but all boys are rapist😂😂😂😂. Let me explain, when the case of Tina and Uwa came up and these girls were down casted and in tears. Many of them live in fear and are scared even walking on the road, some have been victims before. Holding the banner of not all boys or men are rapist is quite insensitive. The same way men have held up that banner of all women are prostitutes but when you ask them including your mother and sister? They take it personal.😂😂
This is my take, not all boys are rapists, not all girls are rapists. Not all boys are prostitutes, Not all girls are prostitutes. However, we don’t know who is who. These rapists could be your friends, family members etc. They don’t write who is a rapist on the forehead so whether we are fighting for masculine rape or feminine rape. I believe we should:
1) We should learn to stand by our male or female friends as the case maybe
2) We should learn to support our Female friends as the case maybe
3) We should defend our Female friends as the case may be

TRAUMATIC EFFECTS TO RAPE VICTIMS AND HOW TO OVERCOME THESE EFFECTS
Sexual violence is shockingly common in our society and sexual assault isn’t limited to women; many men and boys suffer rape and sexual trauma each year.
Regardless of age or gender, the impact of sexual violence goes far beyond any physical injuries. The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and alone or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories. The world doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore. You no longer trust others. You don’t even trust yourself. You may question your judgment, your self-worth, and even your sanity. You may blame yourself for what happened or believe that you’re “dirty” or “damaged goods.” Relationships feel dangerous, intimacy impossible. And on top of that, like many rape survivors, you may struggle with PTSD, anxiety, and depression.
It’s important to remember that what you’re experiencing is a normal reaction to trauma. Your feelings of helplessness, shame, defectiveness, and self-blame are symptoms, not reality. No matter how difficult it may seem, with these tips and techniques, you can come to terms with what happened, regain your sense of safety and trust, and learn to heal and move on with your life.

Myths and facts about rape and sexual assault

Dispelling the toxic, victim-blaming myths about sexual violence can help you start the healing process.
Myth: You can spot a rapist by the way he looks or acts.
Fact: There’s no sure-fire way to identify a rapist. Many appear completely normal, friendly, charming, and non-threatening.
Myth: If you didn’t fight back, you must not have thought it was that bad.
Fact: During a sexual assault, it’s extremely common to freeze. Your brain and body shuts down in shock, making it difficult to move, speak, or think.
Myth: People who are raped “ask for it” by the way they dress or act.
Fact: Rape is a crime of opportunity. Studies show that rapists choose victims based on their vulnerability, not on how sexy they appear or how flirtatious they are.
Myth: Date rape is often a misunderstanding.
Fact: Date rapists often defend themselves by claiming the assault was a drunken mistake or miscommunication. But research shows that the vast majority of date rapists are repeat offenders. These men target vulnerable people and often ply them with alcohol in order to rape them.
Myth: It’s not rape if you’ve had sex with the person before.
Fact: Just because you’ve previously consented to sex with someone doesn’t give them perpetual rights to your body. If your spouse, boyfriend, or lover forces sex against your will, it’s rape.

Recovering from rape or sexual trauma

STEP 1: Open up about what happened to you
It can be extraordinarily difficult to admit that you were raped or sexually assaulted. There’s a stigma attached. It can make you feel dirty and weak. You may also be afraid of how others will react. Will they judge you? Look at you differently? It seems easier to downplay what happened or keep it a secret. But when you stay silent, you deny yourself help and reinforce your victimhood.
Reach out to someone you trust. It’s common to think that if you don’t talk about your rape, it didn’t really happen. But you can’t heal when you’re avoiding the truth. And hiding only adds to feelings of shame. As scary as it is to open up, it will set you free. However, it’s important to be selective about who you tell, especially at first. Your best bet is someone who will be supportive, empathetic, and calm. If you don’t have someone you trust, talk to a therapist or a mental health enthusiast or a mental health organization.
Challenge your sense of helplessness and isolation. Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable. It’s important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times. One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others: volunteer your time, give blood, reach out to a friend in need, or donate to your favorite charity.
Consider joining a support group for other rape or sexual abuse survivors. Support groups can help you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery. If you can’t find a support group in your area, look for an online group.

STEP 2: Cope with feelings of guilt and shame

Even if you intellectually understand that you’re not to blame for the rape or sexual attack, you may still struggle with a sense of guilt or shame. These feelings can surface immediately following the assault or arise years after the attack. But as you acknowledge the truth of what happened, it will be easier to fully accept that you are not responsible. You did not bring the assault on yourself and you have nothing to be ashamed about.
Feelings of guilt and shame often stem from misconceptions such as:
You didn’t stop the assault from happening. After the fact, it’s easy to second guess what you did or didn’t do. But when you’re in the midst of an assault, your brain and body are in shock. You can’t think clearly. Many people say they feel “frozen.” Don’t judge yourself for this natural reaction to trauma. You did the best you could under extreme circumstances. If you could have stopped the assault, you would have.
You trusted someone you “shouldn’t” have. One of the most difficult things to deal with following an assault by someone you know is the violation of trust. It’s natural to start questioning yourself and wondering if you missed warning signs. Just remember that your attacker is the only one to blame. Don’t beat yourself up for assuming that your attacker was a decent human being. Your attacker is the one who should feel guilty and ashamed, not you.
You were drunk or not cautious enough. Regardless of the circumstances, the only one who is responsible for the assault is the perpetrator. You did not ask for it or deserve what happened to you. Assign responsibility where it belongs: on the rapist.

STEP 3: Prepare for flashbacks and upsetting memories
When you go through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into “fight-or-flight” mode. When the threat has passed, your body calms down. But traumatic experiences such as rape can cause your nervous system to become stuck in a state of high alert. You’re hyper sensitive to the smallest of stimuli. This is the case for many rape survivors. Flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive memories are extremely common, especially in the first few months following the assault. If your nervous system remains “stuck” in the long-term and you develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they can last much longer.

To reduce the stress of flashbacks and upsetting memories:

Try to anticipate and prepare for triggers. Common triggers include anniversary dates; people or places associated with the rape; and certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you are aware of what triggers may cause an upsetting reaction, you’ll be in a better position to understand what’s happening and take steps to calm down.
Pay attention to your body’s danger signals. Your body and emotions give you clues when you’re starting to feel stressed and unsafe. These clues include feeling tense, holding your breath, racing thoughts, shortness of breath, hot flashes, dizziness, and nausea.
Take immediate steps to self-soothe. When you notice any of the above symptoms, it’s important to quickly act to calm yourself down before they spiral out of control. One of the quickest and most effective ways to calm anxiety and panic is to slow down your breathing.
Soothe panic with this simple breathing exercise
Sit or stand comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.
Take a slow breath in through your nose, counting to four. The hand on your stomach should rise. The hand on your chest should move very little.
Hold your breath for a count of seven.
Exhale through your mouth to a count of eight, pushing out as much air as you can while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.
Inhale again, repeating the cycle until you feel relaxed and centered.

It’s not always possible to prevent flashbacks. But if you find yourself losing touch with the present and feeling like the sexual assault is happening all over again, there are actions you can take.
Accept and reassure yourself that this is a flashback, not reality. The traumatic event is over and you survived. Here’s a simple script that can help: “I am feeling [panicked, frightened, overwhelmed, etc.] because I am remembering the rape/sexual assault, but as I look around I can see that the assault isn’t happening right now and I’m not actually in danger.”
Ground yourself in the present. Grounding techniques can help you direct your attention away from the flashback and back to your present environment. For example, try tapping or touching your arms or describing your actual environment and what you see when look around—name the place where you are, the current date, and 3 things you see when you look around.

STEP 4: Reconnect to your body and feelings
Since your nervous system is in a hypersensitive state following a rape or assault, you may start trying to numb yourself or avoid any associations with the trauma. But you can’t selectively numb your feelings. When you shut down the unpleasant sensations, you also shut down your self-awareness and capacity for joy. You end up disconnected both emotionally and physically—existing, but not fully living.

Signs that you’re avoiding and numbing in unhelpful ways:

Feeling physically shut down. You don’t feel bodily sensations like you used to (you might even have trouble differentiating between pleasure and pain).
Feeling separate from your body or surroundings (you may feel like you’re watching yourself or the situation you’re in, rather than participating in it).
Having trouble concentrating and remembering things.
Using stimulants, risky activities, or physical pain to feel alive and counteract the empty feeling inside of you.
Compulsively using drugs or alcohol.
Escaping through fantasies, daydreams, or excessive TV, video games, etc.
Feeling detached from the world, the people in your life, and the activities you used to enjoy.

To recover after rape, you need to reconnect to your body and feelings
It’s frightening to get back in touch with your body and feelings following a sexual trauma. In many ways, rape makes your body the enemy, something that’s been violated and contaminated—something you may hate or want to ignore. It’s also scary to face the intense feelings associated with the assault. But while the process of reconnecting may feel threatening, it’s not actually dangerous. Feelings, while powerful, are not reality. They won’t hurt you or drive you insane. The true danger to your physical and mental health comes from avoiding them.
Once you’re back in touch with your body and feelings, you will feel more safe, confident, and powerful. You can achieve this through the following techniques:
Rhythmic movement. Rhythm can be very healing. It helps us relax and regain a sense of control over our bodies. Anything that combines rhythm and movement will work: dancing, drumming, marching. You can even incorporate it into your walking or running routine by concentrating on the back and forth movements of your arms and legs.
Mindfulness meditation. You can practice mindfulness meditation anywhere, even while you are walking or eating. Simply focus on what you’re feeling in the present movement—including any bodily sensations and emotions. The goal is to observe without judgement.
Massage. After rape, you may feel uncomfortable with human touch. But touching and being touched is an important way we give and receive affection and comfort. You can begin to reopen yourself to human contact through massage therapy.

STEP 5: Stay connected
It’s common to feel isolated and disconnected from others following a sexual assault. You may feel tempted to withdraw from social activities and your loved ones. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the people who care about you. Support from other people is vital to your recovery. But remember that support doesn’t mean that you always have to talk about or dwell on what happened. Having fun and laughing with people who care about you can be equally healing.
Participate in social activities, even if you don’t feel like it. Do “normal” things with other people, things that have nothing to do with the sexual trauma.
Reconnect with old friends. If you’ve retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect.
Make new friends. If you live alone or far from family and friends, try to reach out and make new friends. Take a class or join a club to meet people with similar interests, connect to an alumni association, or reach out to neighbours or work colleagues.

STEP 6: Nurture yourself
Healing from sexual trauma is a gradual, ongoing process. It doesn’t happen overnight, nor do the memories of the trauma ever disappear completely. This can make life seem difficult at times. But there are many steps you can take to cope with the residual symptoms and reduce your anxiety and fear.
Take time to rest and restore your body’s balance. That means taking a break when you’re tired and avoiding the temptation to lose yourself by throwing yourself into activities. Avoid doing anything compulsively, including working. If you’re having trouble relaxing and letting down your guard, you may benefit from relaxation techniques such as meditation and yoga.
Be smart about media consumption. Avoid watching any program that could trigger bad memories or flashbacks. This includes obvious things such as news reports about sexual violence and sexually explicit TV shows and movies. But you may also want to temporarily avoid anything that’s over-stimulating, including social media.
Take care of yourself physically. It’s always important to eat right, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep—but even more so when you’re healing from trauma. Exercise in particular can soothe your traumatized nervous system, relieve stress, and help you feel more powerful and in control of your body.
Avoid alcohol and drugs. Avoid the temptation to self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. Substance use worsens many symptoms of trauma, including emotional numbing, social isolation, anger, and depression. It also interferes with treatment and can contribute to problems at home and in your relationship.

How to help someone recover from rape or sexual trauma:
1) When a spouse, partner, sibling, or other loved one has been raped or sexually assaulted, it can generate painful emotions and take a heavy toll on your relationship. You may feel angry and frustrated, be desperate for your relationship to return to how it was before the assault, or even want to retaliate against your loved one’s attacker. But it’s your patience, understanding, and support that your loved one needs now, not more displays of aggression or violence.
2) Let your loved one know that you still love them and reassure them that the assault was not their fault. Nothing they did or didn’t do could make them culpable in any way.
3) Allow your loved one to open up at their own pace. Some victims of sexual assault find it very difficult to talk about what happened, others may need to talk about the assault over and over again. This can make you feel alternately frustrated or uncomfortable. But don’t try to force your loved one to open up or urge them to stop rehashing the past. Instead, let them know that you’re there to listen whenever they want to talk. If hearing about your loved one’s assault brings you discomfort, talking to another person can help put things in perspective.
4) Encourage your loved one to seek help, but don’t pressurize. Following the trauma of a rape or sexual assault, many people feel totally disempowered. You can help your loved one to regain a sense of control by not pushing or cajoling. Encourage them to reach out for help, but let them make the final decision. Take cues from your loved one as to how you can best provide support.
5) Show empathy and caution about physical intimacy. It’s common for someone who’s been sexually assaulted to shy away from physical touch, but at the same time it’s important they don’t feel those closest to them are emotionally withdrawing or that they’ve somehow been “tarnished” by the attack. As well as expressing affection verbally, seek permission to hold or touch your loved one. In the case of a spouse or sexual partner, understand your loved one will likely need time to regain a sense of control over their life and body before desiring sexual intimacy.
6) Take care of yourself. The more calm, relaxed, and focused you are, the better you’ll be able to help your loved one. Manage your own stress and reach out to others for support.
7) Be patient. Healing from the trauma of rape or sexual assault takes time. Flashbacks, nightmares, debilitating fear, and other symptom of PTSD can persist long after any physical injuries have healed.

SUGGESTED WAYS & IDEAS TO CURB RAPE MENACE

Rape cases has been treated with levity in some court cases and I will highlight two cases which still buttresses my point that the law is responsible for many of this cases.
Firstly, in the case of Popoola V State in 2013, Justice Muntaka Coomasie stated that rape is an heinous(wicked) and heartless act. He stated that the 5 year sentence is condemned. He also said that the death sentence is unnecessarily lenient and loose.
Secondly, in the case of Edwin Ezigbo V State in 2012, The 32 year old man whose victims were Ogechi Kelechi which was 8 years old and Chioma which was 6 years old.
Justice Muhammad stated that to have carnal knowledge of Underage girls such as the victims of this case is callous and animalistic. It is against the laws of all human beings, God, the State.
Such small girls and indeed all females of whatever should be protected against callous acts. I wish the punishment was heavy to serve as deterrent to others.

In a bid to reduce or curb rape, I have highlighted a few points for it, such as:
1) Underage children should not be left unsupervised or with friends, relatives, guardians that are not to be trusted. As a matter of fact, parents should ensure that they actively monitor their children.
2) There should be routine examinations of children private parts at many times for sources of pain or any other sign that may show any form of child abuse.
3) The punishment for a rapist should be the same for an accomplice.
4) Once a victim reports at an hospital or at a police station, medical evidences forensic examination resources such as rape kits, voice analysis, facial recognition systems and handwriting analysis. Fingerprint impression should also be made available and immediate response be given to individual cases. Traces of DNA from blood, hair, saliva, skin, semen, teeth bite can be quickly obtained to aid corroborative evidences.
5) The length of rape trial should be short so that the victim will be able to recount at least 90% of the incident.
6) There should be procedural tests carried out to diagnose and it may also lead to evidence pointing to the perpetrators.
7) Identity of rape victims should be kept in secrecy if the victims so wish. This will reduce incidences of social stigma.
8) Some students have been brutally sexually assaulted while trying to answer the call of nature in bushes or deserted places or areas. Therefore, educational facilities should provide application sanitary facilities
9) Advice to victims to resist, fight tooth and nail, have biro, pocket knife, pepper spray etc.
10) There should be creation or more creation of local rape crisis centre should be established to provide necessary first aid, help and psychological relief to victims of rape and advise them on possible actions to be taken
11) Enlightenment campaign to discourage sex offences. Myths such as having sex with a virgin or a child will cure diseases is false.
12) While I suggested the most dreadful form of death for rapist whether masculine or feminine, I gave castration, however the Speaker of the House of Representatives said if castration becomes the punishment, what are we going to castrate in women. To balance this, I resolved to punishment that I call pray for death; the rapist will be begging for death to come, by the time his fingers are sliced one by one like carrot. He or she must go through torture that the victims face too.

However in the light of recommended punishment for rapists The Minister of State (Health), Dr Olorunimbe Mamora, yesterday 30th of June, 2020 has recommended that “total penile amputation”, should be the punishment to check the rising wave of rape in Nigeria.
According to him, the cases have increased within the period of COVID-19 lockdown because socialising has greatly reduced while “an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.”
He, however, stated that it would be difficult to prove alleged rape, which took place 10 years ago because it would no longer be a fresh case.
“But having said that, there is no defence; don’t forget there is also the factor of stigmatisation, which may make people to just downplay or fail to report it. And you also have the situation, where the victim is probably too young to express what has happened.
“I think it is a phenomenon that we really need to look at very critically because it has become an epidemic,” the minister said.
Mamora, in an interview with The PUNCH in Abuja on Friday, said he was recommending total penile amputation because a woman that had been raped might never get over it in her entire life.
He said, “I had argued this at a forum before and I said without any reservations that if for the consideration for global approach to de-emphasising capital punishment, then what to me should be the minimum is total penile amputation because a woman that has been raped may never get over it in her entire life.
“I think that it would appear that the incident has increased within this period of COVID-19, which may just be a factor of people being kept at home because of the lockdown; socialising has greatly reduced and like it is said, an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
“People cannot vent their excitement as before, where people can go to clubs, bars and all that and be able to express themselves. Yes, there must be factors that must be responsible for this upsurge of rape at this point in time, but there should be no excuse.
The general public, victims, unapprehended sex offenders or potential ones may find these provisions of the law useful.
1) Assault with intent to commit unnatural offence (against the order of nature) is punishable with 14 years imprisonment.
2) Indecent assault on males is punishable by 3 years imprisonment
3) Rape is punishable by life imprisonment, with or without caning.
4) Attempt to commit rape is punishable with 14 years imprisonment
5) Indecent assault on females is punishable with 2 years imprisonment
6) Abduction is punishable with 7 years imprisonment
7) Abduction of girls under sixteen is punishable with two years imprisonment

Please note that ignorance of the age of the girls or boys as regards consent will not ground a defence.

CONCLUSION
The Bible says let us hear the conclusion of the matter😅😅. I hereby conclude by saying that it is my honest desire that there will be a time where this rape issue will be drastically reduced or eradicated. Also, I wish to say that even a rapist repents and turns to God, God has forgiven him or her but the person will still face the law of the land. The person can open a church in the prison self abi ki le feel?😂😂😂😂
Hope to see you in the comment section. I await your comments, additions, subtraction, critiquing, criticism or as the case maybe.
Thank you for reading!

Happy mother’s day to all mothers, even single mothers, all those aspiring to be mothers. I love you all. You are strong, bold and courageous. I pray you attain all the achievements you list for yourself.
On this celebration day for mothers and aspiring mothers, I decided to come up with something for you to know your worth.

I AM A WOMAN:
So what?
I get into an argument with a man, he slaps me, I feel the pain, yet they tell me I provoked him. should have been quiet, I should have been patient. I should apologize to him.
I get into an argument with a man, I slap him, they tell me I have no respect, no home training. I should have been quiet, I should have been patient. I should apologize to him. Because I am a woman, I don’t have a right to be angry. So, the degree of my innocence is directly proportional to the degree of my silence in the face of oppression and brutality…..
Because I am a woman, my husband cheats on me, I am told to tolerate it to save my marriage. The
barbaric and stupid excuse is that ”it is in their nature to cheat”, I should slim down, dress better, cook better, pray harder and be more pleasant to him”
I cheat, and I am called a whore, I have committed an abomination, I have no right to look elsewhere
for the love and emotional support I lack at home, I am an irresponsible mother.
So I am sent packing, from the home we both built, with all my earthly possessions stuffed into a tiny box on my head. I could be henceforth forbidden from seeing my two children, If I have one that I am breastfeeding, I could be lucky to be allowed to go with my little one still suckling on my left breast. Three years later, the little one is tagged a bastard. Now, my new name is “after-three”, because I am a woman.
A man is 28 and runs a company. He’s tagged wonderful, hardworking, focused, career-oriented, successful at a very young age.
A woman is 28 and runs a company, the criticism starts “Hmmmm….she is not even married, unserious, can not order her priorities right, a hustler, loves money, let her go and get a husband oh “And I wonder if being successful has anything to do with a person’s gender.
Because I am a woman, I am not allowed to have wits or be a prodigy, I cannot be financially
buoyant, professionally successful or be treated with respect without a man beside me.
Then I am tagged a generous leg opener, “a runs girl”. They never seethe possibility that I actually had to go through ups and downs to get to where I am, because I am a woman.

A man looses his wife to death and remarries a year after, he did the right thing, he’s being praised
and congratulated for moving on, after all life is for the living. A woman looses her husband to death and remarries after 4yrs,”aaah! so early? Are you sure she wasn’t sleeping with that man even when
her husband was alive? That was why she killed her husband. She’s a witch! Because she’s a
woman.
THAT I AM A WOMAN DOESN’T MAKE ME
The question is; WHO IS A WOMAN??????
Firstly, When she is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.
When she stares at you, she is wondering why she loves you so much in spite of being taken for granted.
When she says I will stand by you, she will stand by you like a solid rock. Never hurt her or take her for
granted. A very heart touching message by a woman.
Someone asked her, Are you a working woman or a housewife?
She replied: Yes, I am a full-time working housewife. I work 24hours a day. I am a Mum. I am a Wife. I am a Daughter. I am a Daughter-in-law. I am an Alarm clock. I am a Cook. I am a Maid. I am a Teacher. I am a Waitress. I am a Nanny. I am a Nurse. I am a Handywoman. I am a Security officer. I am a Counsellor. I am a Comforter. I do not have holidays. I do not get sick leave. I do not get day off. I work through day and night. I am on call all hours and get paid with a sentence. “What Do U Do
All Day??”
A Woman has the most unique character like salt! Her presence is never remembered, but her absence makes all the things tasteless.
Feminism is not a disease,. It may have its wrong interpretation but even Jesus Christ was wrongly in interpreted. I don’t belief in gender superiority. Feminism is GENDER VISIBILITY. Let our women be empowered in every sector of life and see them making waves.
Keep Kinging
Keep Queening
I celebrate every woman in my life and love you all
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

A day i will never forget is the incident that happened on December 3rd,2011. It is very historical in my life because it formed the basis of new spiritual strength. Prior to this date, during one of my devotions, the devil clearly said to me, “When I make you crippled, let me see how you will preach the gospel”, I laughed it off and that was it.On this fateful day, we were to vacate the campus for December holidays because Shiloh was going to start on December 6th,2011. So my usual practice was always to go and meet one of my mentors to charge me or to give me word of wisdom or adviceas the case maybe, so as not to derail during the holidays. I and Steven Olugbenro were packing our bags already and we both decided that we should go and see Pastor Micheal Ukeagbu that morning. He spoke with us at length and gave us specific instructions to carry out the holidays and also told us how to live a 360° life during the holiday. He pointed out that we should make it a necessity to intercede for people and programmes and events.I got home around 4pm and about an hour 30 minutes later, me and my cousin decided to step out to stroll because I wanted to barb my hair, so while on the road, I remembered what Pastor Micheal said and I was singing and praying in the Lord ahead of Shiloh, at that point because I was on the road I made sure I was walking so close to the gutter so that I will not be too carried away and car will jam me. Lol. I was singing the favourite song of Pastee(Pastor Iren Immanuel) at that time; “You are the only wise God, You are only Great God 2x, wise God Great God 2x, and I was also interceeding for Shiloh 2011 that Lord, Let your power and glory reign.All of a sudden, a car came from behind and hit me, this was a red Honda; The man driving, His wife and child beside him. This car left the road and came to hit me or as footballers will say, pack me from behind. Now, because of the way it packed me from back, my leg folded in a way and I was in motion, in a bid to adjust myself because all of these was in matter of seconds, my leg scratched the tarred road and you can guess how my leg was, three toes were badly injured. I couldn’t walk, people started insulting the man and both the man and the wife didn’t say a word but the man just swerved back to the normal lane and drove off and as people were still insulting him. I couldn’t bare the pain again, the place I was beside Intercontinental bank( Now Access Bank) and I just went to sit beside the pavement outside the bank with the help of my cousin.I was looking at the Injuries on my legs, the pain, the annoyance, the negative feelings, my blood gushing out. Immediately, I got a ministration that are you not happy it is not more than these. The joy that erupted in me ehn, i stood up and continued my praises and prayers from where i stopped. My cousin was surprised that all of a sudden I could walk, I am singing and praying and all the negative feelings are out. You see there is something called joy of the Holy Spirit, it doesn’t deal with feelings.The picture you see in this article, is another incident of leg injury. This one I thought i had lost my legs. I was jumping when my team scored a late goal in a football match in Crawford University, December 2016 and as I jumped I knew socket was disconnected. I couldn’t walk well, I was carried to the clinic, bandage was not working. Thanks to my friends who assisted then. The match was cancelled lol and I was ready to wait for it to be replayed, talk to me about passion of the game!!!!!! Oke Pelumi said Yomi, you are going home tomorrow, we will coach this team and they will win. I agreed. I left it in the hands of Asiyanbi Ifeoluwa, Famofo Adebusuyi, Oke Pelumi respectively. They won the match. Special thanks for my eldest sister ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤. As I got home, I went for a test and xray and the doctor brought the result.It took more than a month for the leg to heal. My daily routine was sit on the three seater chair, stretch the leg on the chair, wear my leg brace, go and shower and all, come back go that three seater and be there till night. When it is time e to sleep the bed will be brought to the three seater and I will roll from the chair to the bed and in the morning, I will roll back to the three seater. Thanks to God’s Grace, heat spray, cucumber and fruits. After six weeks, I could walk again, sometimes I still feel the shake though.In all, I am still walking. The song writer says “Through it all, through it all, I learnt to trust in Jesus, I learnt to trust in God, Through it all, through it all, I learnt to depend upon his word “I don’t know the chants that were said about you, have the mindset that it will never come to pass, no matter what was said. You will pull through. We were not told that you wont face trials. Yes you will, but he said he will be with us. You have nothing to worry about. I love you always.LOVE AND LIGHT❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

To celebrate the International Women’s Day, I decided to share this with all the women who have or are going through this. Someone might need this. No matter what you are enough!!!!!!!!

It is possible they have told you things like:

1) Someone who is ready to sponsor your education in any country of your choice and after that, you don’t have to work

2) Someone who says you are too good for me, please find someone else

3) Someone who tries to slow down on money making and building an empire(s) for yourself

4) Someone who says I need to find myself

5) Someone who says until you stop driving your father’s car, you will not be approachable

6) Someone who complains that you don’t love him simply because you don’t pick quarrels or get furious when he is with other girls

7) Someone who calls you a feminist because you are bold to say no

8) Someone who shows so much interest in you and it cools off later, only for you to see their engagement and wedding pictures

9) Someone who says he wants to marry you and you are still ruminating about getting into a relationship and they start controlling and telling

you what to do with your life and career.

10) Someone that tells you to find Someone else but can’t stand you being with them and ego makes them to start fighting you.

11) Someone that remembers you only when your post and picture passes their timeline and they call you to come and spend the weekend with

them ASAP.

12) Someone that says the similarities are too much

13) Someone that says they are no longer interested in you but come back to say they want to marry you.

I don’t know if your story is not here but listen to this, A friend of mine told me her boyfriend broke up with her because she ate four wraps of fufu in his front and his excuse was that she can eat his destiny. Can I shock you? I was listening to Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo on relationship and dating and he said, the day a boyfriend breaks up with his girlfriend is not the day he actually broke up with her, he has done it since and his friends know. The day he told you he was just looking for the right time and place to say it. This is the truth! The day you noticed Someone has baclsliden is not the day the person backslided, it started from skipping daily devotions to Skipping bible reading and then you hear God understands.

My dear, it is possible you have cried, feeling and wondered why you are not good enough.
But you see the Holy Spirit. O, sweet, sweet Spirit. He’s such an amazing person. When you let Him brood over you and you yield to Him in the pain and tears and obey His nudging on your heart….
That peace that stems up inside you, reminding you that in Christ Jesus you are enough. Telling you that God loves you and will lead you right. Reminding you that the assignment you have to do for Abba needs you to not only make the right choice by Him but yield to how He will lead you there.
That peace will keep you going in the love that Abba has for you. You have this knowing that He cares for you and about your love life. You’ll know that He sees all that you’re going through and Won’t leave you helpless.
My sisters, you don’t have to be worried about it. Why should you? when He has shown and promised you that all of this is for a purpose and His glory.
And so you rest in the assurance of more than tomorrow promised. You rest in the assurance of an amazing and beautiful future and a bright hope. You rest in the assurance that come what may, marriage, ‘late marriage’ or no marriage, YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!
HEY LADY, RELAX WITH PEACE, YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!
Let ‘Him’ have to go through Abba to get approval to win your heart.
You are Strong
You are Bold
You are Confident
You are Enough
You are Resilient
You are Great
You are Powerful
You are Amazing
You are Cherished
You are Blessed
You are Chosen
You are Abba’s
You are Loved
YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!

WITH LOVE,

AKINNOLA ABAYOMI

EPISODE 1

Happy Valentine folks, hope we all had fun and if you are single, hope you showed yourself live because that’s just the idea. However, i am not and will not be a fan of valentine and my stance on Christmas is the samed as that of valentine.

I said before that I will be discussing different things on this blog, I also said it will be for development, growth, helping each other. Therefore, I will be letting out some of the tales of my childhood which may not be too good but I pray we learn from my experience both for the now and the future.

The truth is my childhood had financial challenges but it will nevet be as bad as not eating rice and chicken on christmas day. We never bought christmas cloths but we were fine. In year 2000, things were different my father remarried on August 26, 2000 after a long while(My parents have been seperated since i was 1 year old or thereabout). My stepmother took in and gave birth to my lovely step sister on September 4th,2001.

As we approached the end of the year, my father was in ondo(my state of origin) and was working with the then Ondo State Government but things was pretty ugly financially at home and we didnt know when he was coming back. As Christmas day drew near to be precise on the 22nd of December, we(Myself, My two elder sisters, my stepmother) joked and said we will eat yam and oil on Christmas day which was still fine because we know nothing lasts forever.

However, the next day being 23rd, My father came back from Ondo with a huge sum of money and it was a thing of joy, everyone was very happy and all. Immediately, he called my eldest sister into his room and she came out with a bundle of money that she wants to go and buy cartons of Capel wine, she then said my father is calling my second sister who went inside and came out with another bundle and said she wants to go and buy Just Juice and shortly, my step mother came out with her own bundle and said she was going to the market to buy things for fried rice, jollof rice, salad, chicken etc. So all the women went out and my father called me and said he will pay my outstanding school fees, buy my textbooks, new uniforms because the suffering was much, I cannot even begin to explain. He also said January 5 2002 will be for asun(peppered roasted goat) party that we should invite all our friends for the party. All these happened on the 23rd. From that day everything was fine, we had one of the best Christmas till the morning of 28th of December.

Being that my step mother just gave birth in September, my step mother mum came to help my step mother to take care of my step sister, just like the normal omugwo. Due to this fact, my stepmother sleeps with her mum and the baby in the next room after her matrimonial room so as not to disturb my father. However, my immediate sister takes my father’s bed from his room to the next room which is my step mother room where she and her mum sleeps, and in the morning my sister returns the bed and lays it.

So on this fateful day being the 28th December, 2001 at about 9:05am or so, my father calls me to his room and says he is looking for the five thousand naira he kept in his drawer, actually I was not surprised he was asking me because time and time again, I was regularly accused of stuffs and during my childhood I have had to lie on myself more than lies I told so to say. I always lied on myself that I did it and end the talk and collect the punishment but I told him that I have not even entered his room that day and only Dami(My mother gave birth to three of us, sinmi, dami and myself respectively) has been here to return your bed and lay it. Later, he said I should go and I thought that was it, he later called my two sisters and they said the same thing too that they didn’t take it.

You see, we(Myself and my sisters) have a very strong bond, once things like this happens, we ask ourselves and if one of us is guilty, he or she will confess and the other two knows how to go and beg and all, so we enquired among ourselves and everyone said it was not them, at this point, we knew it was our step mother!!!!!!! Two hours later, my father called the three of us into his room and was shouting that he wants his money and ranting that how can we steal from him and that he knows that it is……….. and then he racks me to the ground hitting me with his leg, I was shouting but tears didn’t come out because I knew I was punished unjustly but I didn’t have a choice, he turned right and reached out to the stool beside his bed, there was a silver hammer where one of its side was curved while the other side was round which was where we used to hit nail and all.

He reached out for the hammer and was constantly hitting my head with it, my head was being hit as if they were driving a nail through a wood. I wasn’t crying but I was screaming. Writing this is not easy because the episode brings a tear out trust me, however, I have decided to do this. Let’s continue though. I was not even up to 13 years old when this episode happened. I screamed, I screamed, my sisters were crying for me, they could feel the pain, at one point they took their face away in tears as they couldn’t watch it no more. Then he asked us to go, I was alone, I was worthless, I was filthy, I can’t describe myself, my sisters wept, it was as if something had died and yes something died as I left the room, I was thinking of death already. My sisters were so angry and sorry for me that they went to meet a fortune teller to know who did this, the man told them that they should go and ask again as the person will run mad for fourteen years, they came back to tell me, and I told them not to go back there again, my reason was my stepmother just gave birth, if she runs mad for fourteen years, I am depriving an innocent child which is my step sister from motherly care, love and attention and everything a child deserves, so I told them to let go.

Few hours later, I had made up my mind for the suicidal mission. I was empty, at that point I disliked my mother with Passion as we were made to believe she abandoned us for the good of London(This was however not true as my mother is the best thing to have happened to me in life nut this is story for another episode), the only man that I knew and looked up to in my life accused me and dealt with me in such manner, the woman I saw as a mother stole and was the reason for this, she and her mother were in the next room and despite the shouting and screaming, sound, crying of my sisters, they didn’t even more an inch. I went to the extension (This is close to the gate where the car is packed), I had omo solution, I had cement solution as I was about to take it, my immediate senior sister saw me from afar and shouted my name, she called my sister, as I heard them calling my names, I broke down In tears. They told me not to do this because of my step mother that my life is too precious. I decided agree with them for awhile, I was tempted to go again but I don’t know why I stopped but I know it was God.

I HOLD NO GRUDGE AGAINST MY FATHER, IT HAS PASSED

I HOLD NO GRUDGE AGAINST MY STEP MOTHER EVEN THOUGH SHE IS AN ASYLUM IN SWEDEN.

LESSON TO BE LEARNT:

FLEE FROM ABUSE

TRUST AND BELIEVE YOUR CHILDREN

LOOK FOR YOUR PARENTS MISTAKE TOWARDS YOU AND CORRECT THEM WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CHILDREN.

Drops pen.

Regards

The Pilot

This topic is one of the most common topic we know and it is by virtue of the fact we know the word called “abuse”, however we don’t know how deep it is. One funny thing I have come to realise is we abuse each other daily without knowing and by “abuse” I don’t mean you are mad or you are stupid that we say in secondary schools ooo😂😂😂😂 Statistics shows that nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused, 46.7% of females and 44.9% of males have been raped by an acquaintance. Looking at child abuse, 1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence. Also 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 women have have experienced severe intimate partner physical violence. These are statistics gotten from NATIONAL COALITION AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. However, I want us to know that abuse is far more than rape, domestic violence, physical violence. FAR MORE!!!!! Therefore as God will be helping me, I will be taking my time to talk on the aspects of abuse and I hope even if I miss anything or I omitted anything, I hope to see you in the comment section😁😁😁😁😁 in order for us to flow we will this critical topic, I have decided to group it into sub- topics, which are:1) Meaning of Abuse
2) Types of Abuse
3) Who can be Abused?
4) Who may be an Abuser?
5) Where Abuse can take place?
6) Effect of Abuse
7) What are you doing as a Nigerian to stop child Abuse against Children?
8) What can we do to stop abuse of adults?MEANING OF ABUSEThe word abuse has different meanings, however I was able to name a few and hope it will aid better understanding. What then is ABUSE?Abuse can be defined as a form of a single act that has abusive consequences for the adult or child as the case maybe or may comprise a series of acts, either large or small, whose cumulative impact adversely affects the individual involved.Also, it is important to note that sometimes the abusive act was willful on the part of the perpetrator but sometimes it may be unintentional. Causing harm may be unintentional but nevertheless harm was caused and therefore abuse has taken place, requiring a response under The ‘Safeguarding Process Section’. The nature of the response is likely to depend on whether the act was intentional or not. This solely means that whether the abuse on a person was intentional or unintentional is secondary, it has never, does not and will never change the fact that it was an abuse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Abuse can also be defined as an act of neglect or a failure to act. Abuse may be caused as a result of a person with caring responsibilities acting in a way that is harmful to a dependent person. Failure to act so as to provide the level of care a reasonable person would be expected to provide, which results in harm to an adult experiencing or at risk or abuse or neglect.An adult may experience several types of abuse simultaneously.
The commonly held definition of abuse, which we all use is “a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another.” One thing to note about that definition is that we are talking about a pattern of behavior, in other words, not just one incident. These behaviors can take on a number of different forms. Many people, when they hear the word “abuse” think of physical violence. It’s important to note that physical force is one means of power and control and it is far from the only one. It’s often not the first one an abuser will use, however if it gets to physical abuse, just note that the abuser has used different methods of abuse before and the abused didn’t take cognissance of it or simply neglected it.TYPES OF ABUSEAbuse can come in many forms and for purpose of this gathering I will be splitting them in many forms, so we can be able to cite them, once we see them. Types of abuse include:Physical Abuse: This is the easiest form of abuse to spot.It can range from physical injuries such as hitting, pushing, wounding etc. to things such as misuse of medication, inappropriate use of restraint and dehydration/malnourishment. This is the type of abuse that many people think of when they hear the word ‘abuse.’ It can include punching, hitting, slapping, kicking, strangling, or physically restraining a partner against their will. It can also include driving recklessly or invading someone’s physical space, and in any other way making someone feel physically unsafe.Abuse in form of Domestic Violence: According to Woman’s Aid, it defines domestic abuse as ‘physical, sexual, psychological or financial violence that takes place within an intimate or family-type relationship and forms a pattern of cohesive and controlling behaviour’. People should be aware that domestic violence is not always physical and also includes forced marriage and so-called ‘honour crimes’.Sexual Abuse: This includes sexual assault or sexual acts which have not been consented to. Also, encompasses rape and non-contact abuse such as sexual harassment, While sexual abuse can be a form of physical abuse, we put it in a category by itself because it can include both physical and non-physical components. It can involve rape or other forced sexual acts, or withholding or using sex as a weapon. An abusive partner might also use sex as a means to judge their partner and assign a value – in other words, criticizing or saying that someone isn’t good enough at sex, OR that sex is the only thing they’re good for. Because sex can be so loaded with emotional and cultural implications, there are any number of ways that the feelings around it can be uniquely used for power and control. Before 1993 that marital rape was legal,so some people may still assume that sex is something a partner is entitled to, and not recognize it as a larger pattern of power and control.Verbal/Emotional Abuse:
Someone who survived emotional abuse once said and I quote “My ex-husband used words like weapons; like shards of glass, cutting and slowly draining my life, until I had nearly none left. I didn’t think I was abused because he didn’t hit me- usually… I had begun to believe his awful lies- how worthless I was, how stupid, how ugly, and how no one would ever want me.”
Let nobody reduce you or tell you nonsense. KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!!!!!!
Some Other survivors have pointed out that while the signs of physical abuse might be noticeable to a friend or family member, the effects of verbal/emotional abuse are harder to spot, and harder to prove. Emotional scars can often take longer to heal.Mental/Psychological Abuse: Mental or psychological abuse happens when one partner, through a series of actions or words, wears away at the other’s sense of mental wellbeing and health. It often involves making the victim doubt their own sanity. We’ve heard stories of abusers deliberately moving car keys (and in one case, the whole car!) or a purse, dimming the lights, and flat-out denying that certain things had taken place. The result of this, especially over a sustained period of time – and often with the isolation that abusers also tend to use – is that the victim depends on the abuser more and more because they don’t trust their own judgment. They also hesitate to tell anyone about the abuse they’re experiencing, for fear they won’t be believed. While speaking to someone who had been abused, she had this to say, “He had called me crazy so many times, I was unsure if anyone would ever believe me about the abuse.”
It is important to note that both mental/psychological and verbal /emotional abuse are similar and is harder to spot as it is often done in private and has no physical signs
Financial or Material Abuse: This looks to take control over financial ownership such as wills, inheritance or property. Because abuse is about power and control, an abuser will use any means necessary to maintain that control, and often that includes finances. Whether it is controlling all of the budgeting in the household and not letting the survivor have access to their own bank accounts or spending money, or opening credit cards and running up debts in the survivor’s name, or simply not letting the survivor have a job and earn their own money, this type of abuse is often a big reason why someone is unable to leave an abusive relationship.Organisational Abuse: The mistreatment, abuse or neglect of a person in a setting where the person lives or a service that they use. The abusers can be management or individuals. Organisation abuse can involve more than one abuser and there may also be more than one person experiencing the abuse
Discriminatory Abuse: This means the unequal treatment of a person due to their race, gender, age, disability, sexual orientation or religion.
Cultural/Identity Abuse: Cultural abuse happens when abusers use aspects of a victim’s particular cultural identity to inflict suffering, or as a means of control. Not letting someone observe the dietary or dress customs of their faith, using racial slurs, also isolating someone who doesn’t speak the dominant language where they live – all of these are examples of cultural abuse.
Modern Slavery: Modern slavery is a hidden crime and targets people living in poverty or with a lack of education or unstable social conditions. Victims of Modern Slavery can often face a number of types of abuse and with a shocking over 1,746 cases reported in the UK, USA and Nigeria as at 2013, it’s crucial we are aware of this crime.
Modern Slavery encompasses slavery, domestic servitude, human trafficking and forced labour. It is an international crime and can include victims that have been brought over from overseas and vulnerable people within the UK who are forced to work illegally against their will in often illegal establishments.Neglect and Acts of Omission: This includes all aspects of neglect such as deprivation of food, shelter, clothing or heating. Abusers can also harm victims by ignoring their medical or physical needs, which is mostly applicable in a care situation where abuse can occur through failing to provide medication to a person, banning visitors or ignoring/isolating the person.Self-Neglect Abuse:Self-Neglect is a little different to the other types of abuse as this is inflicted from an individual to themselves and focuses on a lack of self-care so much that it affects personal health and safety. Self-Neglect also encompasses self-harm, failing to care for one’s personal hygiene, surroundings or health.
People who suffer from self-neglect are also at risk of other forms of abuse due to vulnerability.WHO CAN BE ABUSED?The big question is who can be abused? The truth of the matter is anybody can be abused , it is not left to a particular age or gender. It is what it is! AN ABUSE IS AN ABUSE!!!!!
Therefore an abused person or someone who was abused or is currently abused can either be a small child, a girl, a boy, a man, a woman, a worker etc. Any one can be abused. Dont forget this, anyone can be abused. A most recent case is the case of the Badore case of a man and a girl not up to 10 years. This man is about 48 years, I mean what are you pressing a 8 year old breast for????? I also heard of a man who was abused by his aunty when he was much younger and because of this he always fell in love with older women and this affected his marriage, even the first counsellor he met, he slept with her. An abuse is an abuse irrespective of the gender……WHO MAY BE AN ABUSER?An abuser may be:A partner, child, teenagers, relative, or other household member;A friend or neighbour;A volunteer worker;A health or social worker;A boss at work can abuse his employees or those seeking employmentA member of staff in a care setting e.g. a residential or nursing home or supported living arrangement scheme;Another adult.Now you may ask how can a child be an abuser? A child can abuse other kids. Let’s pick a child of 6 year old could be playing with other children as a result of what he has learnt maybe from his parents or guardian or relatives who are racists or any form of abuse and exhibit those behaviour to other kids.WHERE CAN ABUSE TAKE PLACE?Another thing to note is where abuse can happen and to be frank it can happen anywhere but below is just a list of some places;At work,In hospitals,In residential or nursing homes, In day centres, In police stations, private places, public places,In vehicles, In your houses, on the road, IN CHURCHES, In anywhere you can think off. Nowhere is actually safe.WHAT ARE THE POSSIBLE EFFECTS OF ABUSE?The truth of the matter is the various types of abuses has numerous effects and they are very dangerous ones. However, I was able to outline a few and I hope you can give me more in the comment section as we learn from each other. Some of the long term effects of abuse of any form include: emotional difficulties such as anxiety, low self esteem, anger, sadness. Also Mental problems such as Post traumatic stress disorder, eating disorder, depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts.It is important to note through another statiatical research that Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is common. According to research gathered, Data from CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) indicate:About 1 in 4 women and nearly 1 in 10 men have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime and reported some form of IPV-related impact.Over 43 million women and 38 million men experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.WHAT FACTORS CAN PLAY A ROLE TO THE PREVENTION OF ABUSE?.
The Social Care Institute for Excellence (SCIE) have identified eight factors in relation to dignity, which in turn promotes self-respect and each have a role in helping prevent abuse. These are:Choice and control;Communication;Eating and nutritional care;Pain management;Personal hygiene;Personal assistance;Privacy;Social inclusion.Also Education on abuse will go a long way, identifying kids with problematic psychological traits; it may not necessarily be kids per say but majorly kids.Truth of the matter is we do a lot of talking without taking action and this is one of the reasons why Nigeria is where it is today. Therefore, as Nigerians what are we doing to stop abuse especially against children? It is good to start, however, no matter how small, no matter how little, let make a move.THE BIG QUESTION IS THIS: As a Nigerian,What are you doing to stop child abuse against children?An epidemic is sweeping an ugly tide across the Nigeria; domestic violence and child abuse against our children.Howl large is the problem? Studies show that up to five million children in the Nigerian experience and/or witness domestic violence each year. Whether it’s watching an act of physical or sexual abuse, listening to threats or sounds of violence, or viewing the evidence of such abuse in a victim in the signs of bleeding, bruises, torn clothing, or broken items, the effects are damaging to a child, in a variety of ways. Children in our nation are suffering from an epidemic of child abuse from those who proclaim to love them the most. Indeed, witnessing domestic abuse can also be traumatic for a child.You may say it doesn’t happen where you live. You may believe that you do not know of any children who are victims of this type of violence and abuse. Make no mistake, domestic violence against children is happening all around you. Children in the very city you live in are victims of this horrific crime. Furthermore, the abusers and perpetrators may be your colleagues at work, members of your church, your neighbors, and even those who come to your annual family reunion. Children around you are falling victim to domestic violence and abuse. It is up to you to help bring an end to it. Here are 8 ways we can all help to stop domestic violence against children.
1. RECOGNITION OF THE SIGNS
The first step in helping to prevent domestic violence is to recognize the signs. To be sure, it may be difficult to recognize when a child is being abused, as the signs are not always visible to the eye. Indeed, domestic violence is not always physical. Other forms of domestic abuse include verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and economic abuse. Along with this, it is likely that the children suffering will not speak up on their behalf, as so many children suffer in silence.
2. PROVIDE RESOURCES
Whether it is providing support classes for parents, teaching them child care and parenting strategies, or helping with economic support and stability during times of difficulty, struggling parents and families need help and support. Violence against children can be reduced when parents and families are equipped with strategies, support, and skills when caring for children.3. SUPPORT CHILDREN
Often times, children are great imitators. They frequently model what they learn and experience from the adults in their lives. Time and time again, a child’s greatest role model is often the parent. For those children who have watched a parent inflict violence and abuse upon another, these children are more apt to repeat this later on in their adult life with their spouses or partners. Drugs and alcohol abuse later in their lives is also likely path. In order to break this future cycle of abuse, we need to offer therapy, counseling, support, and services to these children.4. RAISE AWARENESS
Knowledge is power, and awareness brings advocacy. Educate those around you about the realities of domestic abuse and violence. Whether it is where you work, where you exercise, where you practice your faith, or where your own circle of friends and family are, inform and educate them about this issue. When those around you become aware of the realities of domestic violence among children, they become advocates, as well.
5. ORGANIZE YOUR COMMUNITY
Faith based organizations, civic groups, schools, community leaders, and local and state legislatures can all come together to both fight child abuse. Contact these organizations and individuals and organize meetings with them, as well as with your local law enforcement. Create a child abuse prevention team in your area, and in your city.6. BE AN ADVOCATE
Perhaps the biggest impact one can make in preventing child abuse and domestic violence is to become an advocate of change. By contacting lawmakers, politicians, and publicity agents through means of emails, letters, phone calls, and other means of communication, one can bring attention to the needs of these children who are various forms of abuse. Along with this, these advocates of change can also post information in editorial letters, websites, public forums, and so forth. By lobbying for change, new laws can be introduced, and information can be brought forward to the general public.
7. DOCUMENT
If you suspect child abuse or domestic violence is happening to a child you know, document what you see. Time, date, location, and information is important, if you should have to file a report of some kind. Documentation should be done in a factual and non biased fashion, and not in an emotional manner. Just the facts, so to speak. Your documentation can go a long way in helping to protect a child.8. REPORT
If you know of an incident of child abuse or domestic violence, it needs to be reported, and it needs to be reported by you now. Not tomorrow; not next week. If a child is in danger, he needs to be rescued from it today. Sometimes trying to intervene or become involved in the situation, as it could lead to additional danger.The question may come as to who do we report to? The corruption level is a deep concern, however there are still organizations who still stand up for children in cases like this as well people like segalink on Twitter, you can call 112, Minister of youth and social development on 08183050639, Mirabel centre, Lasu teaching hospital, ikeja, stand to end rape, Lagos state domestic and sexual violence response teamWHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP ABUSE OF ADULTS?According to Section 42 of The Care Act 2014 of Safeguarding adults, it says and it quote ” Each local Authorities must make enquiries or causes others to do so, if it believes an adult is experiencing or is at risk of an abuse or neglect. An enquiry should establish whether any action needs to be taken to prevent or stop abuse or neglect, and if so, by whom”.Safeguarding means protecting peoples’ health, wellbeing and human rights, and enabling them to live free from harm, abuse and neglect. It is a key part of providing high-quality health and social care.
Those most in need of protection include:
*Children and young people*
*Adults*, such as those receiving care in their own home, people with physical, sensory and mental impairments, and those with learning disabilities.
Volunteering Organisation are the mainstay of ensuring that adults and children are protected from Abuse and as such they should be supported and aided in this task.
Volunteering Organisations are entitled to an assessment of their needs in their own right, this assessment should take into account as their ability to continue as a volunteer in a safe and sustainable way.
In a small number of situations it is volunteering organization who present a risk to the adult. In many cases it is understood that no deliberate harm is intended and the solution is to offer assistance.
It is important to ensure that volunteering organizations are made fully aware of the danger of Abuse, the warning signs and indicators, and how they can get advice and help when needed.
What advice and assistance the volunteering organization needs will depend on the risks faced by the adult as shown by the care assessment and other similar processes. For example, a young adult living in the community will face different risks to an older person attending a day centre.
A starting point for all volunteering organization will be to ensure that they are made aware of these Safeguarding Procedures and any provider organisation’s policy and procedures.In instances where an volunteering organization presents a risk to an adult, it is the responsibility of assessors of that organisation to do whatever is needed to reduce the risk to ensure the safety of the adult, including where appropriate making a referral under the procedure in The Safeguarding Process Section. Documenting discussion with the adult concerning their wishes is imperative.Finally, I want to appreciate you for reading this post and I hope it blessed you immensely. I look forward to discussions, critiques, addition, disagreements, subtraction. In all of these, I want to learn from you as well. See you can in the comment section!!!!!!!!!I remain Akinnola Abayomi aka the The Pilot

I want to be a light that people look upon and dark moments in their lives ceases. I want to add values to the lives of both old and young, male and female, tall and short. All kinds of people. I want to be an inspiration to all. #zerotohero# #love# #Bible# #life# #personaldevelopment# #christianity# #counselling# #passion#

PROPHETIC DECLARATION FOR 2014
I often say one of the greatest mistake the devil made was for me to be born. welcome you all to the year 2014, it shall indeed been a great year, under prophetic auction, It shall be better than last year….. LISTEN; GOD SAID TO ME THAT THIS YEAR IS A YEAR OF UPGRADE.. AYAYAYAYAYA……I hereby release u under apostolic auction that as you read out this prophecy and say AMEN, so shall it be, THEREFORE THE PROPHETIC THEME OF THIS YEAR IS :THE YEAR OF UPLIFTMENT THROUGH GRACE(GEN15:5-6) …This year is blessed for you, it shall be your year of signs and wonders… Rejoice and be glad because God made it possible for you to see this year because he has a plan for you…. I declare that you are blessed with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places…. I openly declare to the glory of God and to the shame of the devil that because you dwell in the secret place of the most High, you and your family are safe…. No evil shall befall you neither shall any plague come near your dwelling in the name of Jesus…. I declare that this year, YOU SHALL NOT DIE……… In 2014, the Lord shall be your helper and you shall not fear what man shall do to you….. I raise my hands in the air and say “YOUR DESTINY SHALL NOT BE WASTED NOR SHALL YOU ROAM IN THE MARKET SQUARE OF LIFE…. FROM TODAY, THE LORD SHALL SUPPLY ALL YOUR NEEDS ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY BY CHRIST JESUS”….. PSALMS 23:1 SAYS, ;” THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD; I SHALL NOT WANT”…. I DECREE THAT FROM WHEN YOU READ THIS, EVERY LACK OF WANT ENDS IN YOUR LIFE AND THAT OF YOUR FAMILY AND ALSO YOUR MINISTRY IN THE NAME OF JESUSSSSSSS…….. YESSS, I DECREE AND DECLARE THAT THE LORD SHALL BE YOUR BANNER AND HE SHALL FIGHT YOUR BATTLES TO VICTORY IN JESUS NAME… No weapon formed against you and your family shall prosper and God’s word shall be life to your flesh in Jesus name.. You shall not waste your resources on sicknesses and in your . THIS YEAR, YOU SHALL EXCEL AND YOU SHALL WORK IN DIVINE FAVOUR BEYOND MEASURES… YOU SHALL NO LONGER WORK AS AN ELEPHANT AND EAT LIKE AN ANT…. YOUR DAYS OF LABOUR ARE OVER….. WELCOME TO A NEW AND HIGHER DIMENSION AS YOUR DAYS OF FAVOUR….. YOU SHALL NOT DRINK THE WATER OF AFFLICTION, LOSSES SHALL BE FAR FRO YOUR DWELLINGS…. TODAY, I HEAR THE SOUND OF ABUNDANCE OF RAIN AND I HEREBY DECLARE THAT THERE SHALL BE A RAIN OF JUBILEE AND MERCY UPON YOUR LIFE, FAMILY AND MINISTRY IN JESUS NAME….. YOU SHALL EAT THE GOOD OF THE LAND AND YOU SHALL BE HONOURED…. AS YOU STEP OUT THROUGHOUT THIS YEAR, I PROCLAIM THAT CHRIST IN YOU IS THE HOPE OF GLORY, THEREFORE, YOU SHALL NOT BE ASHAMED.. YOUR GENERATION SHALL GET THE BEST FROM YOUR LIFE AND MINISTRY…. YOU SHALL NOT DIE UNTIL YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED YOUR MISSION…. I CURSE EVERY FORM OF SICKNESS, DISEASE… EVERY UNTIMELY DEATH IS CUT DOWN… EVERY ONE TORMENTING YOU IS NOW BEING TORMENTED….. I ENGAGE THE PROPHETIC AXE TO CUT EVERY MANIPULATING SPIRIT AGAINST YOU IN JESUS NAME….. EVERY ONE THST WONT LET YOU REST SHALL BE LAID TO REST IN JESUS NAME…..
BE THANKFUL TO GOD BECAUSE YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE TO THIS WORLD…. YOU SHALL NOT BE PART OF A WASTED GENERATION… YOU SHALL BE REVEALED AND SHALL MANIFEST AS A SON/DAUGHTER OF GOD TO YOUR GENERATION….. I speak to Every spirits of the grave, your life is not their candidate, therefore be bound by chains of fire in Jesus’ name.
Every hidden talents shall be revealed to you as you sleep and you wake up,your hidden talents are manifested….. I REJOICE WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A SUCESS STORY…. I FELICITATE WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A BLESSING TO THIS GENERATION…. HAVE A BLESSED YEAR……